1. Comparing yourself to other moms, especially parents of singletons – Having twins bring unique challenges that can in no way be compared to having one child at a time. Plus we have a tendency to compare our weaknesses to others’ strengths. We are our own worst critics and we don’t deserve that. We wouldn’t take that attitude from a stranger or even a friend or family member, so why do we take it from ourselves? Well we shouldn’t. Focus on your strengths instead.
2. Spending too much time on the Internet – Reading the Internet and believing every story about how “awesome” other people are at parenting is downright discouraging to our self worth. The stories you read show the highlights of their life. Behind the scenes it’s really as hectic as your life. This includes Internet friends’ photos. See that cute new baby ‘new mom’ has? Well, there was probably a poopy diaper explosion after that shot was taken. But you will never know about it (unless she’s an over sharer!). Beware of “pinners” as well. Now we at Twiniversity love Pintrest, but beware not to compare your life (refer back to #1) with all the crafts that “crafty mom” posts. Believe me, she isn’t going to get around to doing half of those things!
3. Neglecting yourself – You have to take good care of yourself for two reasons. One, is obviously so you can take good care of your family. If you are run down and unhappy that will directly affect the happiness of the entire family. So make sure you eat healthy, drink plenty of water, go for your check ups, have a night off every once in a while, take a shower, go for a walk and for goodness sakes get some sleep! Reason number two, our children look to us to learn how to be happy, confident people. Ask yourself: Would I want my children treating themselves the way I treat myself?
4. Staying in your PJ’s all day – PJ’s are for sleeping and relaxing. And we all know there isn’t any of that going on once the kids are up. Try getting dressed every day for the next 7 days. Think about how it made you feel. Were you more productive?
5. Not Respecting Yourself – We want our kids to grow up knowing that mom was a happy, strong woman. We want to teach our daughters to be be happy confident girls and women. We want to teach our boys to respect women. By respecting yourself you are teaching your children to respect themselves and others.
6. Refusing, or not asking, for help – Whether you need a few hours of sleep, a few hours out of the house, or someone to help you with doctors appointments or maybe just someone to pick up some milk from the store, whatever it is, ask for help. We seem to be raised in a society that frowns upon needing help. That it shows weakness to ask for help. Why? Isn’t that the whole point of community?
7. Doing it all yourself – Feel like that’s the only way to get anything done right? Allow your partner to do things their way. Their way isn’t necessarily the wrong way, it just isn’t your way. Deal with it and be nothing but appreciative of their help. So what if he doesn’t load the dishwasher the way you do or fold the towels the way you like them. They’re clean right? They’re folded right? So chill and thank them for their help.
8. Losing your sense of humor – If we take ourselves too seriously then we will miss out on the point of life. We are supposed to enjoy it! We are supposed to enjoy our children. They are only their funny little quirky selves for a few years. Find the humor in the funny things they say, or in the fact that you forgot something. If we can’t look at ourselves and our situation and laugh, then we will miss the point.
9. Being too busy for your partner – Kids are only home for a short time; your partner will be there for a lifetime. Make sure you take time to connect with them on a physical and mental level. Have regular conversations about life, kids, and each other! Maybe at first the conversations may be a little confrontation if you haven’t really talked in a while; but they will get better once you start learning about each other again.
10. Worrying – OK, so we’re moms; to worry is part of our job description. But truthfully, most of the time we worry over things that “might” happen… but never actually happen. What help does worrying about these things? Instead don’t fret over things that haven’t happened yet, or things we can’t change.
I am in no way referring to depression in this article. If you suffer from any form of depression please seek the advice of a doctor. You may also want to find comfort in these personal stories from mothers of twins –