A MoM recently asked:
I was wondering if any other momma’s out there feel like I’m feeling. My twins are 7 months and I have a 3 year old singleton. My husband and I have decided our family is complete. But I still have this ache in my heart that I feel like while having twins is such a gift, it also stole a lot of the things that I wish I could have cherished more with my last baby. We had such a hard time when the twins were newborns. I feel like I spent more time exhausted, frustrated and confused, than I did cuddling and snuggling my newborns. Breastfeeding wasn’t successful with the twins. I don’t feel like I have enough quality time with them. Has anyone else felt like this?
Here’s what our Twinviersity fans had to say:
– I have kids the exact same ages as yours and I often feel like quality time is so minimal. It makes me feel bad and guilty. All I can say is you are enough. Do the best you can each day and then be done with the day. Don’t rehash the guilt. I’m sure your kids think you are the greatest mom in the world!
– It’s a blessing to have twins, but I feel that I was short changed. I was so tired for the first couple months that I don’t really remember any special moments, unless there are pictures of it. I am a little jealous of moms of singletons. They get to experience the pregnancy and the first special moments one-on-one. I feel we are done having kids, but I wish I could you have had the experience of another baby.
– That’s exactly how I felt with my twins. So we had one more and we are so thankful we did! We are now complete. I love that while my kids are in school I get snuggle time with my little one. Do what u feel is best for you and your family.
– I feel this way often, but I tell myself that while they may have lacked from me in the beginning, the payoff is in the amazing twin bond and friendship that they will have with each other forever. I may not ever experience the singleton early motherhood days. But singleton moms won’t ever experience their kids having a built in playmate and best friend for life.
– I don’t think you ever feel like there is enough quality time with twins because there is one of you and two of them and you are exhausted. I am still waiting for the slower times. Mine are 5 and diaper changes have turned into me refereeing arguments or trying to get them to pick up or eat. I treasure the small amount of time we get for peace and they treasure a lot more of the time we have than I do even.
– I absolutely know how you feel! My son is 8 and my twins are 2. All that cuddling and one-on-one time I had with my son I didn’t get with the twins. It’s just a blur. I couldn’t even enjoy the pregnancy because I was so sick the whole time. I was also scared because they were twins and I was huge and in pain.
– Take a deep breath and remember that you have been blessed with healthy, happy wonderful twins! That’s such an amazing thing. Try to see all the wonderful things they bring instead of what they don’t. My girls have me laughing everyday they are so silly.
– I feel this way often. We have a 4 yr old and 7 month old twins and I still barely feel like I can breathe most days! I loved, loved, loved my year on maternity leave with my older and envisioned the same with our “second”. Then our second became our second and third, surprise! So far I’ve spent it scrambling/surviving and it makes me so sad sometimes because I know my husband is done after this. I’ll never get the chance to have sweet long nursing sessions, or to let my newborn nap on my chest, or to go for a long walk with my tiny baby in the carrier nestled on my chest. I think it’s totally understandable and normal to have these feelings. I try not to let myself feel sad about it when I think about it. I also look at all the unexpected amazing things that have come from having twins! You’re definitely not alone!
– Words taken right out of my mouth. I feel the same way. I have an almost 3 year old that I tried to breast feed and pumped for almost 20 months. Swore I’d breastfeed my second but had twins. I didn’t even attempt with them. I still feel like there is one more child for us. I have no idea how that would work, it’s already crazy in our house. You are not alone mama.
– My first child was 6 when my twins were born. It was different. There is almost no one-on-one time with the twins. The twins don’t know what they’re missing, that’s normal for them. Trust me when I say it’s harder on you than them. Everyone is not blessed with twins. I’m thankful I was.
– It’s hard at first, but try to set time to spend with each one individually. It may not always be success and that’s ok! It’s so different with twins and really no one understands that except parents of multiples!
– I don’t think we want any more kids, but occasionally I start thinking about having one more so I can have a “makeup” pregnancy. There are no guarantees in life, especially that your next pregnancy/child will be any easier.
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The rate of twin births has risen 79 percent over the last three decades, and continues to increase. A mom of fraternal twins and a national guru on having two, Natalie Diaz launched Twiniversity, a supportive website with advice from the twin-trenches.
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