Should I Fight To Put My Twins in the Same Kindergarten Class?

when one twin is left back

A MoM recently asked:

My twin boys are starting kindergarten in August and I’m told their school has a strict policy of not allowing twins in the same class. We haven’t done preschool or anything like it so I think school, in general, might be a tough transition for them so I’m debating about putting up a fight to keep them together. What experiences have you guys had with this? What pros and cons have you noticed about keeping them together or splitting them? Is this a common policy for schools?

Here’s what our Twinversity fans had to say:

– My school split my twin boys in kindergarten and I was nervous and unsure about it. But it was the BEST decision for them. They are still best friends at home, but at school, they have separate friends and it really allowed them to be who they are instead of a part of a pair. Birthday parties are tricky though! Often only one gets invited. But we’re all getting used to dealing with that. ∼ VM

– Look up your state laws regarding this. In many states, YOU are authorized to make that decision. While input from teachers will likely be beneficial in this decision (you will probably have to assert your right annually, if applicable), find out if your state gives you the power to ultimately make this decision. And if not, petition your representatives. Good luck! ∼ KA

– We delayed our twins a year partially to give them more time together. It really helped us on multiple levels. I’d also try to confront that the policy regarding twins is a massively generalized set of protocols.  ∼ SFN

– I’m hugely for separating twins. They are forced to make new friends instead of relying on each other. I never noticed how much they do for each other until they were separated. Plus, they fight less because they miss each other during the day and have unique experiences to share after school. They see each other at recess and lunch. Field trips, class parties are tricky but I think it’s great. ∼ AB

kindergarten

– YOUR CHILDREN YOUR DECISION. Twins are not a one size fits all. What works for one set may not work for yours. My boys will be separated when my husband and I, their teacher, and pediatrician deem ready and not a minute before. My boys’ teacher likes having them together and thinks they are just fine in the same classroom. They aren’t co-dependent but are more comfortable having each other in the class. ∼ LS

– I’d start with talking to someone at the school. Our district policy states that they separate twins but when I enrolled them in school the office manager at their school said it’s not a firm rule. They make a case by case decision at the school. I was told me it was up to me. I kept my fraternal girls together for kindergarten and they are doing fabulously. ∼ KK

– Hearing parents talk about separation anxiety might cause it unnecessarily. Remember, kids adapt and grow from change. ∼ SG

– We separated our twins and it’s the best decision we ever made! ∼ RW

– I’ve been very intent and clear with the schools my twins have gone to keep them together! Every family is different and has their own reasons for their decision. Follow your gut, they’re your kids. Don’t let anyone push you if you feel like it’s a must, one way or the other. ∼ TR

– My boys are really young. But in speaking to adult twins, they all have advised me to separate them. In their experience, someone will always, often unintentionally, be compared. Someone may become the “athletic twin” or the “nerdy twin.” I think adolescence is hard enough as it is, and will choose to separate my boys. ∼ EO

– Kindergarten we kept them together, but we found that it was best to separate twins into different classes as they would goof off and not get much done. ∼ CT

kindergarten

– I’ve always requested that mine be split up. Frankly, it’s been the best decision. They are in 6th grade now and doing well. They have their own experiences, friendships, etc. and get a break from each other. I think most times the decision is harder on the parent than the child, but it is your choice. It’s nice to have the kids tell each other about their day, as well as not have the immediate competition in the classroom. Each one isn’t afraid to work to their abilities. After all, they are individuals. ∼ AMM

– We’ve always been asked what we wanted. They did daycare and kindergarten together. This year (1st grade) they are separate. Separating them definitely wouldn’t have worked early on with our twins, they needed each other’s support. Now they are able to better cope without each other and are excelling better because they aren’t using each other as a crutch or disturbing each other. They both excel in different areas and with them separated they can do that without the issues of guilt/jealousy/competing that were starting to develop last year. ∼ KH

– This can be crazy nerve-racking. In the long run, I think it helps them realize that although they are a pair, they need to find their identity outside of that pair. Our girls were split up in kindergarten, it’s district policy though they told us we could petition to have them in the same class if it was causing a problem with their learning. It took about 3 days for them to understand the schedule at school and from there on it has been a really good experience. They know they are only in the next room, they get to see each other at recess and say hi to each other at lunch. There are actually 2 other sets of twins in their class, so they all went through being separated together. They each have their own friends, but most of the time they share time with each other’s friends.  ∼ BR

– We stayed together. It was a transition year. We did have preschool and were together for that, but was only 3x a week for 3 hours and then they stayed home. Mine are not dependent on each other and do have friends. We are separating them next year for first grade. They are starting to be competitive and teachers often compare them to each other.  ∼ SHM

– Maybe try some camps this summer too and have them separated and get their stamina built up for the day, especially if it’s a full day. It may help with the adjustment since they haven’t had a pre-school experience.  ∼ CHH

– My husband wanted our twins to be together in kindergarten and I wanted them to these separate. I ended up keeping them together. While it didn’t harm them, now that they’re separate in first grade my daughter is doing much better than ever. ∼ AL

kindergarten

– We have had nothing but positive results from separating our twin girls. They’re about to finish first grade and we haven’t had one day of regret. They see each other at lunch and recess. Check and see if the school offers a jump start program over the summer. This was a great step to prepare them for school and being apart. It’s a tough decision/battle, good luck! ∼ LB

– Ultimately, I believe the parents should decide what the feel is best. If the choice you make isn’t working to your satisfaction you can always change next year. ∼ LAN

– I don’t see why it would cause any different anxiety if you had a singleton going to school. They need to learn independence. ∼ SG

– Ask to see the written policy AND the research used to make the decision. ∼ JS


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When One Twins is Ready to Be in A Separate Class Before The Other

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