“Let it go” has become associated with a very popular contemporary movie, as we all know. As a mom of a four-year-old little girl, I will say that at all costs I try to avoid listening to this song or making any references to it, but I feel like this concept can actually be very useful. Moreover, this is a concept that new twin moms need to pay attention to and try to incorporate into their everyday lives. With the demands of new motherhood, along with the complication of taking care of two babies at one time, it’s easier said than done.
The question, “What is essential that I need to get done now vs. what can I let go?” is a daily struggle for all moms — especially twin moms. There are a ton of responsibilities that you are confronted with from day to day. Being a parent in this century seems to be becoming increasingly more convoluted and complicated. We are all trying to do it all and be it all.
Why You Need To Let It Go As a Parent of Twins
And social media does not help with our perception of what motherhood should look like. Pinterest has us all thinking that we should have perfect homes, and our children should always be perfectly presented, and on top of that, we should have time to create unique and cutesy crafts and delicious baked goods. But in order to get to that level of perfection, first, there are babies that need to be fed, diapers that need to be changed, and clothes and dishes that need to be washed. On top of that, during the holidays there are Christmas photos, sending holiday cards, attending holiday parties, the list goes on and on… That is a lot of pressure! I have learned the hard way that holding myself to this perfect ideal causes a lot of unnecessary stress.
Well, my advice to all twin moms is to really take heed to Elsa’s words. Let it go — like, for real. When it’s all said and done, know that Pinterest is not real life. It’s just a bunch of pretty pictures that occur outside the context of the messiness and wonderfulness that is called life. It’s not real. And it is an unfair standard to judge your life by. Trust me, I found out the hard way. Perfection does not exist. Once you take this on as a mantra, it makes it easy to let the other stuff go.
The most wonderful life experiences occur in the messy part of life, not the pretty perfect pictures. The funny stories that we tell, the most interesting ones, come from when things don’t work so well. When the baby pees during the newborn pics. When the plumber comes and you didn’t have time to pick up the laundry on the floor. That is real, that is life. And the sooner we accept that things do not work out perfectly, or that there are times when things are left undone, that is when the pressure is released.
There are only 24 hours in the day. Make sure that you and your babies are safe, happy, and that their needs are met. That is what matters. Let all of the other stuff go. And when it comes to getting things done? There is always tomorrow. Don’t beat yourself up about it. We are all trying to make it in this thing called life. Stop judging yourself. You are doing great!
And one final piece of advice: Leave social media alone. Try disconnecting sometimes. We turn on the computer and we see these perfect people, with perfect lives, and perfect families going on perfect vacation. Unplug it. That too is not real. No one posts pictures when their rooms are messy, or videos of their kids having meltdowns, or posts about the arguments they just had with their spouse. Let that go too. Too much consumption of that will make you feel like you aren’t doing enough. Comparing yourself to people and situations at their best is not fair to you either. Again, that is too much pressure.
Life is messy, so embrace it. Relish in it. Enjoy it. The best things in life occur when things are not perfect. And if it’s OK for life to be a little messy, then it’s OK for your house to be a little messy sometimes too.
Rashain Carriere-Williams and her husband, Kellom, are the parents of 4-year-old boy/girl twins. She is also senior director at a non-profit agency in New Orleans, LA.