I’m Not the Mom That Goes Above and Beyond

Last updated on September 28th, 2021 at 01:35 pm

I’m Not the Mom That Goes Above and Beyond

Everyone knows her – the mom that looks flawless at drop off, always is the first to sign up to bring cupcakes to the class party (homemade of course), and somehow her child hands in homework art that could be framed at the Louvre. And also, of course, she’s the nicest human on the planet.

You often leave your interactions with her feeling run down… “How does she manage to do it all?” you wonder.

You just can’t keep up with all of it, between chasing around your twins (or more), managing to just end each day with them fed a (mostly) nutritious diet, no broken bones (a little blood is fine though, right?), and in bed by 9 pm (at least, in their room — sleep is debatable).

So how does a parent of multiples keep up with it all?

The answer: You do the best you can! Let’s be honest, you’re not that perfect parent (or maybe you are, but then this article isn’t really for you, sorry). My twins first preschool ‘homework’ was to create a page with the handprints of the family, and our last name on it. I let them choose their art supplies, tell us what color they wanted our handprints, and then they had free reign to design the rest of the page. The result was a mess, but it was theirs. When I brought them to the first day and saw the other kids perfectly painted prints, I laughed a bit and said “Well, at least my kids made it on their own” and it hangs proudly above their art table to this day.

Enter, the first holiday celebration at school. My kids came home with a handful of goody bags from their Halloween party, complete with pun-filled cards, candy, and toys. It never crossed my mind to make this for their class! And you know what, no one cared. My kids were fine, their classmates were fine, and I was fine with it. I did, however, manage to scrounge together Valentines for their class party, by the skin of my teeth. I’ll take the win.

School is coming to a close and now comes the care-free, easy-going, relaxing summer season…kidding. Summer is almost as stressful as the school year when it comes to ensuring perfection for your child. Now their teachers aren’t there to enrich and amuse them for most of the week; that falls on your shoulders. Get ready for the never-ending stream of photos on your favorite social media channel about all the vacations, STEM activities, and camp projects that it seems like everyone is partaking in except you.

I’ll be sitting in my backyard watching as my kids run amok in their $15 plastic kiddie pool we picked up on sale at the hardware store two summers ago. To be fair to myself, we did book a family vacation this year – to another state no less – so again, I’ll take the win even if they aren’t going to that full-day summer camp that all but guarantees your child will gain admission to Harvard by August.

When I think back on the fondest memories of my childhood, I can say with fair confidence that what I remember as the best times would not be what my parents would pick. As parents, we put this immense pressure on ourselves to give our children ‘everything’.

Sure, I remember our annual pilgrimage to Disney World vaguely, but a crystal clear memory is the time we went to a nearby resort in New Jersey, stayed in a condo-like property, and on our walk one day I almost stepped on a snake. Why travel down the coast to the most (expensive) magical place on earth when a child can find a snake in the grass in the exotic locale of New Jersey?!

I remember my dad bringing home a massive box of cannolis from one of his clients, a burden on them I’m sure, but for us it was magic.

One summer during a home renovation we were forced to cook our eggs on the barbeque because our kitchen was demolished, and I thought it was the best adventure.

I’m hoping that, for all that I lack in creativity and imagination when it comes to creating memories and projects with my children, they can at least recognize I (kind of) tried.

I have accepted that I am not, and probably never will be, the mom that goes above and beyond. My twin tornadoes will show up with messy, but authentic, projects. I’ll proudly march to class parties bringing the cups and napkins (supplies critical to the success of any gathering by the way).

Their shirts might not match their pants, but it’s what they wanted to wear that day and losing precious minutes in the morning to that argument is just not one I can muster.

But are my kids happy? Damn right they are.

So to the moms that do it all, I salute you. Just don’t ask me to sign up for the cookie decorating committee!

Mallory Kerley is a first-time mom to four-year-old identical twin boys. No, twins do not run in her family, yes she’s sure they are identical, yes her hands are full. She lives on Long Island with her husband, works full-time as a marketing & communications professional for a national non-profit organization and still has no idea what she’s doing with this whole parenting thing. She fancies herself a photographer in her spare time and just decided to do it as a side hustle (but of course doesn’t have any great photographs of herself). You can see her photos on Facebook at Twin Fox Photos.