10 Things Not to Say to a Woman Pregnant with Twins
I have been really lucky throughout my twin pregnancy, and I am incredibly grateful for this fact. I have suffered no complications and I have only had only one super creepy encounter where a woman (possibly on drugs) wanted to accost my belly and rub it in a semi-sexual and really awkward way (for the record, I don't mind belly touching – but this woman was….creepy). not to say to a woman pregnant with twins
One thing I have not escaped, however, are the strange/weird/bizarre comments that strangers often make when they find out I am pregnant with twins. I was warned this would happen by just about every twin mom I have spoken with, so I was prepared for it – but even still, I am sometimes shocked by the things people will say to a total stranger.
With no further ado, here are ten things we twin moms-to-be would rather not hear you say if you run into us…Laugh with me, will you? This is all in good fun.
1) Are they natural?
This is a pretty inappropriate question to ask a mom to be and I still am shocked when strangers have the balls to ask it. not to say to a woman pregnant with twins
Fertility treatments are a very personal thing and while some women might be okay talking about this with a total stranger, many are not. Scott and I are very lucky in that our twins were “spontaneous” and conceived without assistance (I mean, we were living on a boat in the Caribbean) but that doesn't make our girls any more natural than any other twin babies out there.
2) Were you trying for twins?
Um…is that even possible? I don't even know how to respond to this one but the answer is “no.” The more awkward cousin of this particular question is, “I've always wanted twins -what did you do to conceive them?” Hmmm….. not to say to a woman pregnant with twins
3) I don't know if you are blessed or cursed!
This one came from a sweet old man and I felt bad that I kind of hated him for saying it to me. I know he was trying to be funny but making jokes at a pregnant woman's expense is risky business. Our senses of humor tend to be pretty whacked out by hormones (remember, we have ‘double the fun' going on) and we're not always game for a chuckle. Particularly if we are pregnant with twins and you liken those twins to a curse.
4) Rather you than me!
I get this one a lot. I know some people just don't know what to say sometimes and are trying to be funny but, again, pregnant women aren't exactly famous for their keen senses of humor. Lots of twin moms suggest responding with something like, “Yeah, apparently!” but I always just smile and walk away.
5) Three girls?! Poor, poor you!
If you are blessed with three of either sex, I feel your pain. People like symmetry and balance and, for some reason, it's believed that the perfect family must have children of both sexes. not to say to a woman pregnant with twins
But, humorously enough
, according to this article
, if you are going to have three children, families with three girls are more harmonious and happy than other combinations. We rank #4 out of 12. The happiest combo? Two girls. The worst? Four girls. Somehow we ended up just right. Phew
6) You plan to breastfeed? Good luck with that! (sarcastic)
This one bothers me the most because breastfeeding was something I really, really enjoyed with my first daughter and it is something that is very important to me.
Thankfully, I have talked to plenty of twin moms who have successfully breastfed twins, I have read books dedicated solely to techniques for breastfeeding twins and I have invested in supplies to make this transition as smooth as possible. It CAN BE DONE so, please, check your sarcasm and negativity at the door (p.s. check out the Twiniversity online breastfeeding twins class
7) When will they C-section you?
First of all, this just sounds gross. Second, this might be news to you but not all twins are delivered by c-section. While many multiple births do result in a c-section whether by choice or necessity, almost half are delivered the good old fashioned way.
It is our preference to deliver vaginally and my doctors have assured us that it is their preference as well and entirely possible as long as Baby A is presented vertex (which she is). not to say to a woman pregnant with twins
Of course, we are open to whatever delivery method ensures healthy babies – but to assume a woman is going to have a c-section just because she is having twins is incorrect.
8) How much weight have you gained?
Not okay. Just don't. (For the record, I weigh more than Scott now though…groan.)
9) You sure seem to lay around a lot.
This came from a man who was doing some work on my parents' house for a couple of days. If looks could kill, I'm pretty sure he would be dead.
Yes, I am laying around a lot (particularly when my toddler is napping). I am days away from giving birth to TWO babies, thankyouverymuch. I have approximately twelve pounds of placenta, fluid, and human baby pressing my inner organs all over the place and causing significant discomfort in the general region from my ankles to my neck. not to say to a woman pregnant with twins
Many twin moms are put on strict bed rest at this point. As someone who has enjoyed a ‘singleton' pregnancy as well as a twin pregnancy, I can tell you the two are very, very different – and the latter is much more uncomfortable – especially at the end. So please, give us a little break and let us take a load off without judgment.
10) So, when are you going to try for a boy?
I have been asked this no fewer than one hundred times. Yes, we will obviously be an estrogen-rich family and, newsflash!, they are not even here yet! Give us a minute, would you?
While not all twin moms are getting two or three of the same sex, many complain that they are also asked about future children as well (“so you're done now, right?“) and it can be pretty annoying.
For the record: We are thrilled with three girls. I could go on and on about why I think three girls is the perfect combination for us but I will spare you. At this time we have absolutely NO plans to have any more children, particularly now that we know I am prone to “double drop” eggs and the likelihood of more twins is high. I mean, can you imagine!?!
Brittany Meyers is a happy (and still shocked) mom of “three under three” who lives on a sailboat in the Caribbean with her husband and three daughters. She writes about their adventures in life (and parenting) while afloat at www.windtraveler.net.
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