Mentally preparing for a potential twin NICU stay? Or already in the midst of NICU struggles? Here’s what twin parents who had a NICU stay wish they could tell themselves if they could go back in time!
When you’re planning for or in the midst of a NICU stay as a twin parent–whether with one or both babies–life can feel overwhelming to say the least.
If you’re trying to mentally prepare yourself for a potential twin NICU stay or if you’re in the middle of NICU life already, here are some friendly insights from other twin parents who’ve been in your shoes.
We recently asked twin parents:
Looking back on your twins’ NICU stay, what do you wish you’d known then?
And here’s what they had to say…
“That one day it would end. I stared at them laying on my bed for hours not quite believing that they were home. Best thing in the world.” — Kasey
“We learned quickly breastfeeding wasn’t a priority because of the need for weight gain (totally understandable), so we had to advocate even if it meant a day or two longer in the NICU. 10 months later, 1 is still nursing and the other gets all pumped milk! We didn’t tell anyone but my mom when we got discharged. We just wanted to be home in the quiet and soak up the bliss.” — Melissa
“Document everything, take lots of pictures and videos, etc.” — Ari
“The nurses are a great resource, but everyone is just “practicing” medicine – same with the doctors. Use all of their advice and words to formulate your opinion to advocate for your babies and family.” — Molly
“I wish I had known that more support was available to me and that I didn’t have to try to ‘hold it together’ all the time while literally experiencing one of the most challenging and life-changing times of my entire life. I wish I would have started therapy then, got support from a twin-specific IBCLC, and asked for more help than I did.” — Paige
“That it’s okay to be scared and to take breaks visiting if it is too much. Trusting they are in the best hands, aside from your own, and getting the care they need to get stronger. Also that everything will turn out okay in the long run no matter what that looks like. Every child is on their own journey whether they had a NICU start or not.” — Lisa
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“I wish I took pictures of their tiny feet and hands in my hands. I know it’s kind of a newborn cliche, but I never did and can’t believe I missed out on doing that.” — Andrea
“How to manage one baby at home and one baby in the NICU. We handled the first 41 days really well while both of our girls were in the NICU. We are 10 days since the first discharge and this chapter is so hard. How did families manage the logistics around separate discharges? Especially when one baby will be in the NICU for months longer than the other? It’s impossible to be in two places at once and to feel like each baby is getting enough of you. And the “divide and conquer” for mom and dad feels very isolating.” — Melissa
“I wish I knew ahead of time that you need a plan for how to see your NICU twin if one twin is healthy and with you on the maternity floor. Security protocols prevent you from taking the healthy baby out of the maternity ward & kids are not permitted in the NICU-including healthy newborn twin siblings. I needed a nurse to take pity on me and agree to watch our healthy baby so my husband could push my wheelchair down to hold my NICU baby. (I could not safely walk after the c-section for 3 days due to complications). There was no “nursery” in my hospital because they were trying to encourage breast feeding. Also, I wish I knew about the purple butterfly stickers to warn people that the babies lost a sibling/were triplets in the womb. Would’ve avoided some awkward conversations.” — Lindsay
“That even though you think you feel fine at the time and don’t need mental support, at some point later in life, you will have to process everything you’ve experienced. Even when they are healthy and happy.” — Juulke
“If you have a c-section you aren’t allowed to drive for a period of time which made it difficult to get to and from the hospital to see them.” — Amber
“I wish I had known then how precious that time would be for me with my girls. I wish I would have trusted my dr when he told me that my girls just needed some time to grow – so I could relax and soak in all the moments with them.” — Jill
“When they send one home while the other stayed … gut wrenching hard…” — Dawna
“Yes-that when they release one you can’t bring that child back in with you to the NICU. And you can’t drive yourself, so you need a third person to stay with the child not in NICU.” — Sara
“You may witness someone else’s child pass and then the family grieving. It’s gut wrenching.” — Kayla
Looking for more NICU resources as a twin parent?
Check out out these articles as well:
- Real and Uplifting Stories of Twins in the NICU
- Pumping for NICU Twins: Advice from Parents Who’ve Been There
- Tips to Ease Your NICU Stress and Anxiety
