Considering another baby after multiples? We are! We have two-year-old twin boys through IVF. My guys are amazing. These two little creatures have completely stolen my heart. The things they do and say on a daily basis amaze me! I have always known I wanted a big family and when I was told I probably couldn’t have children I felt lost. My husband has always been incredibly supportive and he also had a dream for family, so we searched out a fertility specialist and got started on this long, bumpy road.
It was a difficult process to get them here, filled with injections and IUIs and lots of crying over negative pregnancy tests. And then an extremely difficult pregnancy with a molar pregnancy and a cancer scare. But they arrived and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I am head over heels in love with my little family, and I want….. more! Yes, I know a lot of people think I am crazy — certifiably crazy, but I. Do. Not. Care. These children are my life, my existence and I couldn’t be happier!
Of course, there are the people with the “opinions” out there…
“Why does she want more than twins?”
“Oh, you have twins, you must be done right?”
“You have twin toddlers and you want to try again?!”
And of course, there is the realistic side of my brain (my parents) saying, “What about their college education?” and “Ya’ll can hardly keep afloat now and you want to add more grocery bills, more cars, and more college tuition?”
The answer — our answer — is yes. Yes, yes, and yes! We weren’t “financially stable” the first time! Who is? We are still paying off our loan for infertility from the first time and now we have twin toddlers and are doing infertility treatments AGAIN. We can’t let money get in the way of all the love we have to give our children and our desire for more.
Infertility the first time was hard, I’m not going to sugar-coat it. It was a beating emotionally and physically. However the first time the emotional part really got to me was because I didn’t think we could have children. I was putting all my emotional faith into one basket. My desire and longing for children was deep and I felt I was at the end of my rope. This time, preparing for an FET (frozen embryo transfer) while raising twin two-year-olds is more physically exhausting. I can’t just feel sick and tired and nauseous and lie down, I have two children to chase after and feed and bathe and play with! So this time I have to put my big girl panties on, suck it up and get through the day!
But this time the emotional side isn’t there. I am completely content with my little family of boys. If the fertility treatments don’t work this time, I will not be lost. I have two adorable loving little people. My family is happy and healthy. But yes, I do still have the desire to have more.
How do you justify your actions when it comes to wanting more after multiples when you still can’t conceive on your own and have to resort to fertility again? But why do I have to justify it? I don’t. It’s ultimately me and my husband’s decision, right? So, why do I feel the need to explain it? It just gets to me when people say, “You have twins? Oh, you must be done.” Or, “You got it all done at once — how nice!”
Seriously, people? Who are you to decide how many children we can have? It’s none-of-ya-damn-business! 😉
So here we go again. Braving our way into the depths of infertility with a couple of crazy two-year-olds in tow. The meds, the injections, the nausea, and the exhaustion, along with the potty training, the big boy beds, and the temper-tantrums. It’s interesting to say the least, but when you have a goal and a dream and a desire for family, you won’t let an empty piggy bank and a couple of little active two-year-olds stand in your way!
So now my days are spent running to work, running home to chase after my boys, all while trying to keep my cookies down because I’m nauseous from the fertility drugs.
A lot of people I know had children by IVF and then got pregnant naturally afterwards because their body kind of got a “re-boot”, but I guess mine did not. Although I probably would have felt a little strange getting pregnant on my own because of the seven embryos we have frozen. In a strange way, I feel attached to them. (That’s a whole other topic, I know). But yes, I DO feel attached to them and would like to give them a chance at survival. I have a longing to see what kind of people they will become and to let them enjoy life with their big brothers.
Now that I’ve gone through infertility and had a successful delivery, going through it again has become more of a lighthearted issue in our world. “Well, I got those little guys to thaw!”, “It’s baby time, thaw one of those l’il dudes out”, “How many should we pop right on in there?” I know full well there is a chance the majority will not survive the thaw and I know some could be not viable. But I have a gut feeling that at least one or two are waiting for us to come get them. What a strange concept it is to me that they will have been conceived at the same time as our boys.
I would say to anyone seeking infertility treatments even though you already have a couple kids, do it! Follow your heart and follow your dream of a family. Don’t let anyone persuade you that it’s not the right decision for you. Just because we aren’t as fertile as the rest of the world doesn’t mean we should let that stand in our way! Of course there are a lot of pros and cons swooshing back and forth through my head. But in my heart there are only pros. And when it comes to family I tend to follow my heart.
Mikenzie Oldham is a full-time twin mommy, a full-time wife, a full-time employee, a full-time maid, a full-time chef, a full-time writer. Juggling life as a twin mommy in a kid-centric world and survives all this with a steady intake of caffeine and wine. She has perfected the phrase” don’t hit your brother” and her main expertise is cleaning mud out of someone’s ear, kissing “owies ” and finding 4 shoes. Check out all her boys’ shenanigans at meandallmyboys.wordpress.com.