Whether your twinnies are your first kiddos or you’ve got other children in the mix, having two at once can put extra strain on your relationship and marriage. Hear from other twin parents and how they managed their relationship through the stress of having two at once!
It’s no secret that having twins comes with tons of additional stressors—from heightened financial challenges to marital struggles and more.
When my husband and I were still expecting our twins, I remember him pacing around a lot murmuring about the twin parent divorce rate. Our tiny babies weren’t even here yet, and he was already panicked about the strain it could place on our relationship.
After being married for over 3 years (at the time) and together for nearly a decade and a half, it felt like there was so much on the line.
Now we are officially three and a half years into this whole twin parenting thing, and I can say we are still happily married. But there were absolutely tons of hiccups and fights along the way.
It took lots of honesty, communication, and forgiveness (for ourselves and each other) to strengthen and revitalize our relationship post twins.
Raising kids is hard. Raising twins is otherworldly. Especially in those first few months and years.
So no matter where you stand in your marriage or your romantic relationship with your partner in twin parenting, know that you are not alone in feeling the weight of all those extra struggles.
Below are words of advice from other twin parents on keeping up your marriage through twin parenthood to make you feel a little less alone and a little more empowered!
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First, here’s a glimpse at the general sentiment of twin parents who responded to a survey we posted in our Instagram stories.
We asked: “How has becoming a twin parent affected your marriage?”
And here’s what twin parents said (from over 350 responses):
- Made it way more challenging – 43%
- Made us stronger – 28%
- There were some dark times but all good now! – 26%
- It broke us – 3%
We also asked:
How do you keep up your marriage as a twin parent?
And here’s what twin parents had to say:
1. Communicating with each other / focusing on self-improvement
“Communicate. Hire babysitters for date nights.”
“Communication, whether it’s about being overstimulated and needing a break or an I love you.”
“We did counseling to help with communication, but constant communication and actually caring.”
“Regular marriage counseling and scheduling time to connect.”
“Therapy helped me personally way more. Better communication.”
“We have learned to fill our own cups and prioritize our relationship again.”
2. Intentionally making time for each other
“We work together as a team, get jobs done during the day so we can have the evening 1:1.”
“Prioritizing us, date nights, and open communication about how we’re feeling.”
“I’m not sure what we did at first, but now we schedule our time.”
“Date night at least once a month (4, 1, 1 years).”
“We put them to bed at 7pm so we get some us time every night! So worth it!”
3. Keeping the intimacy alive
“Shared and clear household responsibilities. Sex 1 – 2 times a week.”
“Make sure to have regular sex! It keeps you connected and reminds you that you are a team.”
“Make intimacy a priority.”
“Open communication about our needs, and never stop taking time for each other.”
4. Check-ins / being gracious and forgiving with each other
“Working on it! I’m going crazy; he’s giving me grace!”
“Emotional check-ins so we’re on the same page and resentments don’t build up.”
“Check in frequently/communicate, understand everything is a season, and HUG.”
“So far it’s a lot of letting go of the way we want to do things individually.”
“Check-ins/catch-ups after bedtime, sometimes wine and date nights.”
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5. Honestly, it’s a struggle…or it didn’t work out for us…
“We don’t and I’m honestly ready to call it quits but keep trying to push through.”
“He left when they were 3…so he visits now.”
“Was not helpful. Once we stopped, it was so much better. We both want what’s best.”
6. Miscellaneous advice
“Scheduling time not just for each other but for each of us to have our own alone time. Like time for him to go golfing and time for me to go to dinner with a friend.”
“Teamwork.”
“Humour.”
“You just don’t. Accept it for what it is.”
Takeaways: Biggest advice for twin parents who are married
There’s no “right” or “wrong” way to approach your marriage or romantic relationship as a twin parent. What’s important is that you keep a pulse on how you are doing both individually and as a unit.
There will be seasons where you may feel more like roommates than romantic partners. Times you feel so overstimulated by physical contact from the twins that you don’t want so much as a hug. Days you’ll get frustrated with each other when you’re both pouring from a completely empty cup.
But you may also find that over time, your relationship becomes stronger than ever. And if it doesn’t feel that way, that’s okay too. Just know that you’re never alone. There’s someone out there who’s been where you are, and there’s always a way through one way or another.
Based on all the responses we got, here are recurring words of wisdom:
- Always communicate with each other
- Get support (from therapy or marriage counseling) when needed
- Make an effort to keep the intimacy alive
- Check in with each other and be forgiving (parenting is hard)
- Make it a priority to spend time together without the kids
Craving more guidance on relationships and stress as a twin parent? Check out these articles too!
- Marriage Problems With Twins? You’re Not Alone
- 5 Simple Ways to Keep the Spark Alive in Your Marriage
- Sex Drive After Twins: Let’s Talk
- 3 Things You Can Do Today to Help Your Marriage
- Tips for Having Sex While the Twins Are Home
Paige Figueroa is a mom to fraternal twins. After teaching English for 9 years, she now works from home as a content marketing strategist and entrepreneur so she can spend more time with her children. She loves helping other moms and women enjoy more freedom in their lives by monetizing their passions. You can follow her on IG and TikTok @mombossfreedom.
