Last updated on September 30th, 2021 at 10:19 am
Watching your children grow from near-helpless infants to curious, capable toddlers is an absolutely incredible experience. But it can also be downright exasperating as they test the limits every single minute of every single day. It is a rite of passage for any child, yet perhaps an even more challenging phase when you have multiples. Not only do you have more than one child disobeying you; they seem to play off one another, acting as their very own cohorts in crime.
Such is the case in my household these days. My 20-month-old twin boys rarely listen to the word “no,” though they will throw it back at me quite freely. Add to that a 3-year-old big brother who acts as their ringleader when it comes to mischief, and you can envision my daily frustration. For example, one child will decide to do something crazy, like somersaulting off the side of the couch, and two more are right behind him, even as I’m scolding and running to catch the first offender in mid-air. They just saw their brother do it, so why not? Even if Mommy is saying not to.
I seem to spend the vast majority of my days scolding, reprimanding, sending to time-out, and the like. I feel much more like a referee than a mother. And when I am not doing that, I am cleaning and cooking and trying to keep the house from falling apart amid the chaos. It is mentally and emotionally exhausting, and it often makes me question my skills as a parent.
I know I am not alone in having these periods of self-doubt, part of what makes us good mothers is constantly questioning if we are doing enough, if we are making the right decisions. And it is times like these that all of us parents need to take a step backward and reassess our own attitude and outlook on life. By constantly beating myself down as a mother, I am not doing my children, or myself, any good. I know in my heart that I am doing the best that I can. What I really need most is to erase the negativity from my mind and focus on the positives in our life, which are plentiful, even if it may not seem so on the surface.
I recently began taking a much closer look at my day, and rather than concentrating on this trying stage in my children’s development, I instead chose to start by focusing on some of the more boring tasks that go along with being a stay-at-home mother of three. I guess I figured it would be easier to start small, baby steps if you will. I picked three elements of my day that typically feel like nothing more than grueling chores: I have to wash the dishes… There’s yet another load of never-ending laundry waiting for me… I am about to change my millionth dirty diaper of the day… Negativity much?
Now what happens if I take those same three statements, and I look at them from a completely different perspective? There are dishes that need to be cleaned because my family just finished a hearty and healthy meal, packed with nutrition that will help my boys grow big and strong. My children never have to go hungry, there is always food available to them (even if it is some vegetable they’d rather not eat). We are lucky to have so many clothes to wash, and the water and electricity with which to do it. Our boys go through a great deal of clothing because they are active and energetic, and there is nothing wrong with playing in the dirt instead of sitting inside watching television… I change so many diapers in a day because my boys are completely healthy and their bodies work just exactly as they should. And potty training is not that far away.
It can give you quite a different outlook on life when you really stop to think about these little things in a new light, putting a positive spin on them rather than dwelling on the negative. I am not saying we have to celebrate each load of laundry, or every dirty diaper, but a little perspective can go a long way toward improving our overall attitude. After all, there is so much to be thankful for in our everyday lives: our health, our home, our infinite love.
As I begin to embrace a more positive viewpoint on the mundane parts of my day, I find that attitude adjustment bleeding over to how I interact with my children. Just as we all have had those days where one thing goes wrong, which leads to another and another, I find that I can apply that same “snowball effect” to my own mentality, that one reason for a good mood can lead to another and another. It is helping me to keep a positive attitude about my skills as a mother and wife, even when I am being tested by three little people who undoubtedly inherited all the stubbornness I had to offer. It helps me to remember that this phase of disobedience and pushing their boundaries is completely normal, and I find myself responding to their mischief with much more patience, and even an occasional sense of humor.
It also helps me to remember that this too shall pass. That this phase will someday soon be over, only to be replaced by the next phase, one I am sure will be just as equally amazing and challenging as the last one.
Sharon Knight is a former Emmy-award winning television news producer, who took time off from the working world to become a full-time mom when her identical twin boys were born in April of 2012. She also had a 22-month-old son at the time, and found that “3 under 3” was the perfect excuse to shift gears. She could not be happier spending her days surrounded by her little men.
Just like all mothers of multiples, Sharon wears a dozen different hats throughout her day, but her favorite is being a teacher to her three young students, helping them learn something new about the world they live in every day. In her very limited spare time, Sharon loves to write. She lives in Southern Colorado with her husband and three boys. Visit her blog at https://srbknight.wordpress.com.
