If you’re looking for real answers about your twin pregnancy and feel frustrated that the standard books offer you a single sentence before moving on, you’re not alone. When you’ve got two heartbeats inside, so much about expecting twins differs from what goes on in a singleton pregnancy.
You may feel invisible or completely misunderstood at times. But hopefully not for too long. Because there are so many parents of twins and multiples who’ve been in your shoes. And we are here to make you feel seen and heard.
In this episode of the Twiniversity Podcast, Natalie sits down with Laurie Donohue, a type-A twin mom of boy-girl twins in Upstate New York.
One of the major topics they discuss is the quiet frustrations of expecting multiples—like how twin parents get left out of standard pregnancy education and what can actually help you find your footing along the way.
Click below to watch the full episode of the podcast or read on for the biggest takeaways on what to know if you’re an expecting twin parent.
1. Expecting twin parents really are left out of standard pregnancy education
This isn’t in your head. Laurie, like so many twin moms, opened the standard pregnancy books looking for solid information and found that twins were reduced to a single sentence at the end of a chapter.
There was a whole section on weight gain in pregnancy, and when she got to the part that might apply to her, it simply said she’d gain more weight and then moved on. (Gee, thanks for the tip, Captain Obvious!).
When even the childbirth educators and lactation consultants aren’t trained deeply on multiples, the gap you’re feeling is a real, structural one. Naming it is the first step to filling it.
2. You deserve data, not just “you’ll gain more weight, period”
Laurie is a self-described planner who wanted the spreadsheet version of twin pregnancy: real numbers, real answers, real next steps.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to know all the facts (at least, those that are available). Everyone learns and prepares in their own way. If you happen to learn best from concrete information, seek out multiples-specific books and educators who can give you actionable guidance instead of vague reassurance. And don’t feel guilty for pushing past the fluff to get it!
3. Ask your medical team very specific questions
One of the most useful things Laurie did was get specific about what she wanted. For example, she was set on having a vaginal birth So instead of asking “can I?” she asked, “What exactly would make you tell me we need to switch gears to a c-section?”
Naming what she wanted, out loud and in detail, helped her whole care team (doctors, nurses, techs) work towards the experience she was hoping for.
Specific questions get specific answers, and they turn you into an active participant in your own birth plan.
4. The “high-risk” label messes with your head. Protect your peace.
Every twin pregnancy gets flagged high-risk. And even when everything is going beautifully, that label can send your brain sprinting towards every worst-case scenario. Thankfully, Laurie had what she calls a “unicorn” pregnancy with her twins: full-term, vaginal birth, healthy babies.
But even still, she felt the weight of all the things that could go wrong. Here’s the reframe that helps with this. Extra monitoring means your team is watching closely so they can make good calls, not that disaster is coming. You’re allowed to hold the information and still keep the faith that all will be okay.
Need some twin parent friends? Get the support you need with a Twiniversity Membership. Benefits include a monthly twin parent club meeting on Zoom, access to a private Facebook group just for twin parents, and a video library of twin parenting lessons. Visit Twiniversity.com/membership to join today!
5. The resources exist for twin parents. They’re just buried in the noise.
The wild thing is that the help Laurie was craving was out there the whole time. Her state has its own twins organization, and her region is full of local twin clubs. She simply couldn’t find them under the avalanche of hyper-curated social media feeds and the endless white noise of the Internet.
If you’re expecting twins or have young twins and your searches keep surfacing generic, singleton-focused content, the answer usually isn’t that nothing exists. It’s that you need a different door in: a club, a group, a person.
Have you taken your expecting twins class yet? We offer a great class on demand so you can take it on your own schedule! There are so many video modules covering everything from your twins’ baby registry to your first week at home with twins! Sign up today to get started before your twins arrive.
6. Real humans beat the algorithm every time
The most reliable twin support is human. Local twin clubs that people once assumed were fading are coming back precisely because they’re real. They fill that sense of community and belonging that twin parents desperately crave.
In an era where it’s getting hard to tell what’s genuine and what’s AI, a fellow twin parent who has actually lived it is worth more than any perfectly optimized post. Find your people! They are out there.
Twiniversity tip: You can search for a Twins Club here!
7. You need a friend who actually has multiples
Mom friends are wonderful, but Laurie is clear that you need at least one who also has twins. She met one of hers by answering a stranger in a local Facebook group who was hunting for a second car seat base.
Having that one go-to twin parent who you can text or call or meet up with in person who totally gets is gold.
8. Let go of the control (especially if you’re type A)
Laurie planned to spend her maternity leave doing brunch, mommy-and-me yoga, and endless naps. Instead, she spent it keeping her twins alive and fed. And with newborn twins, that’s pretty much the assignment.
Twins have a way of humbling Type A parents. The dishes will sit in the sink, and the newborn experience may be wildly different from the vision you had in mind. Loosening your grip on how it “should” go isn’t giving up. It’s how you actually survive the season.
9. Redefine what success and “winning” look like
Laurie combo-fed from the very start, and her twins are thriving. As she puts it, no one at kindergarten drop-off can tell who was breastfed. On the hard days, winning didn’t mean a spotless house or a color-coded schedule.
It meant making it to 7:00 PM. Redefining success down to “everyone is alive and fed” isn’t lowering the bar; it’s putting the bar where it belongs during the hardest stretch of your life.
10. It doesn’t get easier, it gets different
Just when you find your rhythm, the season ends and a new challenge begins. LIke just when you master diapering, you come upon potty training. The difficulty doesn’t truly disappear; it just changes shape.
The upside is that every hard thing you clear becomes evidence that you can handle the next one. You slept in two-hour stretches and survived. So whatever’s coming, you can handle that too!
11. Your hard is hard
As the saying goes, comparison truly is a thief. Everyone is climbing their own Everest, whether the battle they’ve chosen is breastfeeding, a vaginal delivery, or glass bottles.
Laurie had one “easy” twin and one “hard” twin and learned not to measure her struggle against anyone else’s. Whatever is hard for you is legitimately hard. You don’t have to justify it or rank it.
12. The thing no one tells you: you can absolutely do this
Under all the frustration about missing resources is the single message Laurie was desperate for: there’s a way, and you can do it.
She wanted someone to look her in the eye in that ultrasound room and say those exact words. So here it is for you:
The shock and overwhelm that comes along with expecting twins is normal. The plan may change. AND you are going to make it. One day, one diaper, one bedtime at a time.
Listen to the full episode
To hear Laurie’s full story, check out the complete episode here!
Expecting twins and craving more resources and support? Check out these articles too:
- Hybrid Feeding and How it Worked for My Twins
- A Double Whammy Twin Delivery: Choice and Letting Go of the Plan
- How to Start Your Own Local Twins Club
- Twiniversity Membership
- 11 Things to Do Before Your Twins’ Delivery
