When it comes to twin pregnancy, it can often feel like a challenge for the non-pregnant parent to know what to do to best support. After all, they’re not the one who feels the two distinct sets of kicks at the end of the day. Their body isn’t expanding and taking up more space than before.
And yet, the most important thing you can do for your twins and your partner starts long before the babies are born. In this episode of the Twiniversity Podcast, Natalie talks with Zach Achatz—a small-business owner, a woodworker, a pie maker, and now a dad of six-month-old boy-girl twins. Their conversation revolves around an incredibly important topic: how twin parent partners actually show up.
Zach is not a parenting expert. He’s a partner who decided early that “supportive” was going to be an action: going to all the appointments, being present in the delivery room, and waking up at 3 a.m.
Watch the full episode here or keep reading for the the biggest takeaways on being a supportive partner with twins from pregnancy and beyond.
Takeaway 1: Having twins is a two-person journey—so get in it early
Raising twins is not meant to be a solo sport. (For those of you who are single and carrying or raising twins, you are truly superhuman!)
For those who are in a marriage or relationship, as soon as you get that pregnancy confirmation, you enter a whole new world of partnership. The parents who may find themselves struggling the most are usually the ones who planned to “jump in later” once the babies were here.
With any pregnancy, but with twins and multiples especially, there is no jumping in later. You jump in now. Make going to the appointments a priority. Be a sounding board. Read the parenting books. Learning the twin-specific realities alongside your pregnant partner is how you build the foundation that everything else stands on down the road.
Takeaway 2: Go to the appointments—and when you can’t, close the loop
By medical standards, a twin pregnancy (or other multiple pregnancy) is considered high-risk. That means a lot of extra appointments.
Zach made it to as many prenatal appointments as he could. And when he couldn’t, he and his wife made a point of talking it through afterward: How did it go? How are you feeling? What did they say?
That habit does two things: One, it keeps the non-birthing partner genuinely informed. Two, it signals to your partner that they are not carrying the mental load alone.
If your schedule is tight, protect the debrief even when you can’t protect the appointment. Showing up doesn’t always mean being there in person. It means showing that you care enough to be looped in on all the details all the time.
Takeaway 3: Medicine is a service industry—you are allowed to change providers
Zach’s wife talked through her twin birth plan with provider after provider. By 36 weeks, she had cut ties with all of them because no one would support the vaginal twin birth she wanted.
Every twin parent will have an idea of how they want their ideal birth to go. It’s not asking too much to work with a provider that will respect (to the best of their ability) your wishes. As Nat puts it, the delivery of your children imprints on you forever, and you are the customer.
If a provider is leaving you feeling unheard or boxed in, you are allowed to choose someone else. And while it can feel uncomfortable to unapologetically advocate for your birth plan, it’s always worth it.
Takeaway 4: Know the twin birth facts
Roughly 3 of out every 4 twin deliveries are C-sections. Yes, there are real medical reasons for that to some extent. And at the same time, a fear of the unknown also drives a lot of it. Providers may feel like a c-section offers a safer, more controlled way of having both babies delivered safely.
Zach’s family did finally find their provider match at the University of Michigan. They had a 45-minute consultation that confirmed his wife was a great candidate: baby A head down, baby B breech, both healthy.
Nat shares a helpful general rule of thumb: if baby A is head down, you’re often looking good because baby B can still shift after baby A arrives.
Of course, not every provider is comfortable with that. That’s why knowing the facts (and finding the team that shares your goals) matters so much.
Takeaway 5: In the delivery room, dad is often the mouthpiece
There may come a moment amidst the sedation, exhaustion, and sheer overwhelm when your birthing partner cannot advocate for themselves.
That’s when the non-birthing partner has to step up and remind the team of the plan you built together.
Twiniversity tip: Listen to the episode or attend our next Twins Delivery Day Bootcamp to learn Nat’s BRAIN framework for having an effective delivery day.
Your partner has to trust that when she says “this is what we want,” you’ll hold that line even when the room pushes back.
Zach felt empowered doing just that not only because he was present and “in it” throughout the whole pregnancy, but because of how they approach their marriage: open communication, constant advocating for each other, and learning each other’s dynamic.
You cannot suddenly become a great team in the delivery room if you were never one before it. That may be harsh to hear or read, but keep in mind that support is available if this is currently a struggle for you and your partner. Seek out a therapist, get counseling, and do the work!
Takeaway 6: Find your resources, even if the “dad books” let you down
Zach went looking for dad support and found a lot of patronizing “roll up your sleeves, do the dishes, turn off the game” material that he tossed in the trash. As someone who is dyslexic and learns best by ear, he leaned on podcasts and videos instead.
That’s one of the reasons the Twiniversity Podcast and What to Do When You’re Having Two are available in audio format. Inside the book, Nat even deliberately tucked “dad points” into little gray boxes so partners would actually see them.
The key is this: the information you’re seeking for in order to feel prepared as a twin parent is out there. Find the format that fits how you learn and that resonates with you, and use it!
Are You a New Twin Parent?
Check out Natalie Diaz’s book:
“What To Do When You’re Having Two
The Twin Survival Guide From Pregnancy Through the First Year”
In What to Do When You’re Having Two: The Twins Survival Guide from Pregnancy Through the First Year, national twins guru and founder of Twiniversity (and twin mom herself!) Natalie Diaz provides a no-holds-barred resource about life with twins, from pregnancy and birth all the way through your duo’s first year of life.
Accessible and informative, What to Do When You’re Having Two
is the must-have manual for all parents of twins.
Takeaway 7: Divide and conquer
Zach and his wife split their parenting load by strengths. She’s a strong researcher and is great with contracts and logistics. He built and painted the twins’ nursery.
Once the babies came home, they divided the nights the same practical way. Whoever is faster or better suited takes the task. Are you quicker at diapers? Better at settling a particular baby? Able to lie down a little longer with them? No matter how you split it up, ditch the “mom jobs” and “dad jobs” mindset and just run the play that gets two babies fed, changed, and back to sleep.
Twiniversity tip: Remember to be gracious with each other because at the end of the day, the mental and physical load of caring for twins is bananas. You can both be giving your absolute all and sometimes it will feel like things are still slipping through the cracks.
Takeaway 8: Build systems and then hold them loosely
Zach and his wife intentionally created routines and “standard operating procedures.” But Zach’s key caveat is not to let the system become another source of stress. Babies change, growth spurts happen, and no plan ever lasts for ever when two growing babies are involved.
They would track poops and pees to make sure everyone was thriving, and they’d recap with each other each night without turning it into a fight. But the systems are always in refinement. It’s better to think of them as scaffolding and not scripture.
Takeaway 9: Let tech carry some of the load
Zach is a big believer in home automation. In their home, that includes lights, timers, music, and even baby logging. He only wishes he’d set it up sooner. Anything that lets a sleep-deprived twin household get on the same page without one more decision is a win!
That’s why the Twiniversity app was built to help you track daily things like sleep and diaper changes. It keeps both babies on a single screen, so you’re not toggling back and forth from child to child in the dark. It also allows you to outsource a little of the mental load to something that doesn’t need sleep.
Takeaway 10: Model the partnership you want your twins to inherit
Zach shares that he was raised by an involved dad and a fiercely capable mom. He wants his boy-girl twins to grow up without “boy jobs” and “girl jobs,” playing with whatever toys they like, and watching two parents talk, share, and show affection even when they’re exhausted and touched-out.
Kids are sponges. The partnership they witness in their home everyday is the one they’ll be most likely to build for themselves later on. When a stranger on a walk calls a dad a “babysitter,” that’s the world’s problem to fix, and modeling something better is how those old narratives change.
Listen to the full episode on being a supportive partner with twins!
Click here to hear Zach’s full story! Or check out other Twiniversity Podcast episodes here.
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