Whether your twins are in daycare, preschool, or elementary school, making a choice about separating twins in school can feel overwhelming. So we’ve rounded up helpful insights from other twin parents who’ve been there to help you make your decision!
If you’re reading this, you already know all too well the unique challenges that come along with the twin parenting journey. And deciding whether or not to separate your twins in daycare or school is yet another one of those challenges.
To provide you with more perspective in making your decision, we asked other twin parents what they did and why. So keep reading to get the affirmation you’re looking for! Because no matter what you decide, another twin parent has been there too.
We recently asked our twin parent community:
When did you separate your twins’ daycare classes or school classes and why?
And here’s what twin parents had to say:
Separating twins: daycare or preschool
“Mine are about to be 4 and go to daycares that are a block apart. My son was “expelled” from my daughter’s current daycare because he wouldn’t stop running out of the room and down the hall and he had absolutely no issues opening their multiple main doors even at just under 3 years old. Eventually they got fed up. I ended up finding a franchise daycare a block away and decided that if I could make it work to not move my daughter then it was for the best. It’s turned out to be better in most ways for them! They enjoy their time together more and have definitely grown as individual littles. My son’s daycare is a bit more established/regimented and my daughter’s is a little more laidback/creative, which seems to work well for them as separate beings too.” — Megan
“I had them separate in 2-year old daycare class. They feed off each other’s high energy and never nap in the same room together, and sometimes go wild with their energy. I finally did move them together, and had them be on separate walls in the classroom hidden from each other for nap and it worked. They eventually calmed down a little now at 3.” — Laura
“My twins are two and a half, and after our trip they will be separated. They were separated about 6 months ago and I wasn’t happy about it, but I think it’s best. They fight, and one twin overshadows the other. I want them to be their own little people.” — Kristina
“My twins are 3.5 and just finishing their first year in part time daycare where they were together in the same class. When the new school year starts in a few weeks, we are having them in separate daycare classes for two reasons. For one, their teachers from the previous year suggested it. When they are together, they tend to get really goofy and sometimes don’t follow directions the best then. (I’ve experienced this myself at home too). And two, they are around each other all day everyday and end up getting into a lot of tiffs. I think having some separation in different classes each day will help decrease how much they fight and strengthen their bond for when they are together!” — Paige
“Two and a half. The main part of their day is separate, but they combine classes later in the afternoon. Different classes gives them a little separation from each other. We asked if they wanted to be together this coming year and they both said no.” — Jamie
“Before mine were born, I wanted to keep them together for kindergarten and then separate them moving forward. Well, my son was speech delayed and he entered Pre-K once he turned three. We also enrolled his twin sister, but she was in a whole different school (our school district offers free Pre-K and we have 3 elementary schools). It really worked out well because our daughter would always talk for her brother! Since then, we have decided it was best for the two of them to be separated. They have made their own friends and have flourished in school. This year they are entering a new school (only 5th and 6th grade) and the school actually called to ask what we preferred. We again decided to keep them in different classes. It actually gives them a break from seeing each other 24/7!” — Brianne
“At 2. It was the best decision for them (and my sanity). Being their own people, making friends on their own … and the bonus is wanting to play together at home later because they hadn’t spent the entire day together.” — Angel
“My kiddos turn 5 in October, and they will be in separate preschool classes this year. Last year they were together. My daughter definitely relies on my son to speak for her, and she doesn’t make decisions for herself. She just does what he does. Our preschool is m-f and only half days. I think it will be a good transition before starting all day kindergarten next year!” — Patti
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“My girls are turning 4 in 3 weeks. They have been separated at their daycare since January. They’re in 2 different preschool classrooms and it’s wonderful! I was planning on separating come kindergarten, but we were able to in pre-k. They didn’t like it at first because they had never been apart except for hospital stays, but now they don’t mind.” — Paige
“We have requested they be separated since preschool. They needed a break from each other and he needed to learn to be independent from her.” — Emily
Separating twins: elementary school and beyond
“They were separated starting in 1st grade. It worked best for my set. My son was very clingy to my daughter, and she would try to do everything for him. It helped them both tremendously. When they were in middle school, they were on the same team of teachers, but different schedules. They start 9th grade next week & don’t share a single class or teacher.” — Brandi
“My boys are 28 and not sure if separation in our case really mattered. We separated our boys in Kindergarten. Miserable year. They were back together in 1st and at the advice of the teacher because they wouldn’t make other friends, separated again in 2nd-3rd and together (at our request) in 4th. They had pods in 5th-6th so they were in the same teacher pod but had different schedules…
High school was, of course, separate as they had different schedules. My boys have always had the same friends and same interests and have been inseparable until this past month when one of them got married. They chose the same college, same major and minor, same fraternity and have been roommates throughout college and after graduation. They‘re very close and this month has been rough with them finally making the jump to living separately. They have always been each other’s best friend. Thankfully, my son’s new wife’s mother is also a twin and she gets their connection.” — Shelly
“4 year-old pre K. It was hard at first. However, in the end, each boy had his best year ever. Then the kindergarten at their school was so small we had to put them back together, and we had a miserable year. There was so much competition and fighting. They would come home with unresolved “beef” from the day. We switched schools so they could be separated and never looked back. They are better friends and brothers when they spend some time apart.” — Beth
“I separated them at 9 years old in 3rd grade. One twin was extremely clingy to the other. The other twin was ready to flourish and have friends. The clingy twin would literally snatch the other and say ‘no brother.’ The other twin had to stand by his brother and not talk to others. Baby stalker lol. The clingy twin had a hard adjustment the first week, but the school was nice to let me volunteer daily so that we could make the transition easier for him to navigate. We walked him through it at home and talked about it and his feelings constantly. The twin that was trying to make friends flourished immediately. They are now 14, and it was the best decision yet because they now have their individual friends and little lives. They‘re still the best of friends too.” — Tosha
“They are staying together for grade 1. We had them together for Kindergarten and their teachers said they rarely played together and they had their own friends. But when I’ve asked my twins if they want to stay together, they say they do so they clearly appreciate the presence of the other even if they aren’t constantly interacting at school.” — Bridget
“Mine are going into grade 2, and they both decided to stay in the same class if possible. They don’t interact in class much. They have their own friend groups, but they like knowing each other is there I guess!” — Sally
“1st grade because they added a class. I said I would never split, but decided to when the school asked, with the caveat that I could put them back together if they spiraled. But it was a great decision, they thrived being apart!” — Ginni
“Kindergarten. They are identical, and it was frustrating for them when people asked ‘Which one are you?’ Still an issue going into 8th in a very small school.” — Karen
“We started a new school for grade 2 where the principal had a standing policy to separate twins. They did ok, but not great. Then they were only separated at grade 5 or 6, until high school put them with some together, some separate.” — Nichol
“I separated them in 2nd grade. It was a good choice for my son. My daughter thought she was his other mother.” — Connie
Answers from parents who are twins themselves
“I’m not at this stage with my twins yet, but I’m also a twin and we were separated for grade 1 only up until grade 8. We were both separated again until high school but still occasionally had classes together based on what electives we picked.” — Nicole
“It’s a very personal choice. My sisters were twins and both had twins. They separated theirs in first grade. They also had them in different sports so they weren’t competing against each other. And they never dressed them the same since they didn’t like people not being able to tell them apart when they were growing up.” — Arie
“I’m a twin and before grade 5, I asked to be in a different class.” — Allanah
Parents who didn’t separate their twins in school
“Never did. They had separate classes in middle school and HS. Went to college together, same dorm but had roommates. They are still best friends (sisters) at 25 but completely independent of each other.” — Sharon
“Identical twin girls and keeping them together as they start Kinder this year. I’ve followed along here for years and done my own case studies and for identical girls (they are so close) it feels right. Our school allows the parents to choose and I know a couple other identical sets who have kept them together until middle school. Almost every fraternal twin set I know chooses to separate earlier, especially when boy/girl.” — Carolyn
“My girls were together in lower school, on the same team but in different classes in middle school, and separate classes in high school. No need for all twins to be separated early, though many people try to force it. We don’t force other children (friends) to be in different rooms. People worry about their identity, but the twins know who they are. It is also more conducive to success for the multiples and their parents to be on the same class. I fought for this when my twins went to kindergarten, and it was an unpleasant fight. I would like to say they turned out to be honor students, separate interests, separate careers, still very close, exceptionally successful 25 years old girls now (proud mama here). Together isn’t for everyone but, if you want it for your twins, do NOT let others tell you it’s not ok.” — Doris
“I have never separated mine and they’re going into 5th grade. Boy/Girl twins. They are not overly reliant on each other and have their own friend group but are more relaxed and comfortable being in the same classroom. We leave it up to the teacher every year and so far they have recommended keeping them together.” — Dana
“Never did. They loved being together so didn’t see the need. They still made friends. Same class even in primary school. In High School they had a mixture of classes together and separate due to their interests and ability. Now they’re 26 years old and work for the same company. They have a close bond but still live separate lives.” — Sandy
Want to see more responses from twin parents? Check out the original Facebook post here!
Final thoughts on separating twins in school
As you can see, every twin parenting situation is unique. Depending on your particular situation, it may feel more aligned to keep them together. Or it may feel more aligned to put them in different classes. So consider all your options, but whatever you choose, feel at peace knowing that you made the decision you felt was best for YOUR twins.
And if you decide in a few weeks or months it wasn’t the right decision, keep that in mind when the chance arises to make the opposite choice next time. Some daycares or schools may even let you do a trial run to see if it works out!
Craving more guidance on separating twins in school? Check out these articles too!
- Pros and Cons of Separating Your Twins in School
- When One Twin is Ready to Be in a Separate Class Before the Other
- Should I Separate My Twins in School? What the Research Suggests
