Last updated on September 30th, 2021 at 10:11 am
It really is amazing how little I knew about twins until I became pregnant with them. Beyond identical and fraternal, my twin knowledge was relatively low, and I was the first person among family and friends to have twins, so my appreciation of twin facts and tidbits came about naturally as I navigated being a mum of multiples. Still, the majority of what I heard from passersby were about how hard it would be to have two babies at once. Yet, as my girls came home and I discovered what life is like with twins, I learned about what no one ever told me about twins, some of which are listed here;
The twin bond is real and amazing
I had heard about the twin bond before, but was not sure what that would really look like or mean. As my girls were mono/mono and shared not only a placenta, but also an amniotic sac, I naturally assumed that they would be quite close, but it really was not until I witnessed their bond that I understood how truly special and powerful the twin bond is. One of my girls spent a lot of her first year in and out of appointments and hospital visits, and whenever she would come home, her sister always seemed to just know when she needed an extra hug or cuddle and would gravitate to her. When they are getting a snack, they always ask for one for their sister as well, almost as if one could not exist without the other. Even at two years old it is still evident; the other night when one of my girls was upset and crying, the other patted her on the back and told her that everything was alright. Still, my favorite story of getting to be witness to their unique bond and sisterly love was when we were out and about running errands and I glanced down at my girls in their side-by-side stroller and they were holding hands. It was a moment that caught me totally off guard, just exhausted from living the mom life, but then instantly filled with pure love and appreciation for how special my children truly are.
Exhaustion is just the beginning
I knew I would be tired, I had a two-year old son when my girls were born, but he was a singleton and a good sleeper. I had no idea how utterly exhausted I would be, how the sleepless nights and long days would blend together to create a perfect storm of mental and physical exhaustion that still envelops me a little over two years later. Beyond the exhaustion though is the realization of how quickly I could learn to function on minimal or no sleep. The truth is, things needed to get done, and though sleep was important, so were getting groceries or making meals or just sitting down and having a cup of tea before the naps were done and the cycle started all over again. Two years on, I have accepted that five hours of sleep a night is probably as good as it will get, and that work and my personal life can and will survive through a couple of yawns every now and then. Still, the dream of sleeping in is still alive and well and I long for a Sunday morning lie-in as much as that first hit of caffeine in the morning.
Priorities will shift, and that’s okay
There was a time before children where weekends could be spent blissfully wandering through the city, having last minute plans, or simply laying on the couch being lazy. Friends were plentiful and seeing them regularly was important. Even after my son was born, it was easy to see friends and go out, either with him in the stroller or carrier. But, once the girls were born and spent 80 days in the NICU, my priorities changed, and it did not take long to realize which friends would be able to handle my new reality, and who could not. The reality was simply that it was not as easy or practical to do as much with two newborns and an older brother as it was when there was only one babe to care for. Brunch dates dwindled, as did nights out without the kids, but I found immense happiness in my three kids, despite how challenging it was, and those who understand that I may be late or busy or focused on one hundred things at a time are the ones that I am happy have stuck by me in my transition into mum of three.
Double the mess, double the love
I will not deny that two toddlers come with a whole heap of mess, and the financial burden alone adds to the stress, but I am so happy to say that while others may say that we have double the trouble, what we in fact have, is double the love. While others have one excited baby to see them in the morning, we have two. We have two to cuddle, two to watch splashing around in the tub, two to tickle, two to push on swings. Is it hard? Absolutely, the hardest job ever, in fact, but it is so beyond worth it, and every day I am reminded of how special it is to have twins, to be their mum, and to be on the path that I have found myself on.
Alyssa Keel has worked as a social worker in both Canada and the U.S. for several years. Living in Toronto, Alyssa is a single mum to a rambunctious four-year-old boy and amazing two-year-old identical twin girls, one of whom has Cerebral Palsy. During her high risk mono/mono twin pregnancy, Alyssa began blogging, an extension of her love of writing. Alyssa loves taking photos and impromptu dance parties with her kids. Follow Alyssa and her family’s adventures at adventureswithmultiples.com.
