Whether your twinnies are born early or on time, have a NICU stay or not, those initial days and months home can be quite challenging. Here’s what twin parents shared as catching them off guard the most during the first 4 months with twins!
Every twin family’s journey is unique, but one simple fact bonds our experiences together: navigating life with two newborn babies is nothing short of a challenge.
If you’re expecting twins, you’ve probably been researching and trying to wrap your head around what your future will be like with two babies at once.
We are so happy for you and excited to have you part of the multiples club! AND, we also want to mentally prepare you for the honest and raw reality of what it’s like in the early days of twin parenthood.
So we called on seasoned twin parents around the world to share their candid insight on what aspects of twin parenting felt the most unexpected or challenging during the first 4 months with their twins. We hope their responses serve to help you better mentally, emotionally, and logistically prepare for your own dynamic duo.
We recently asked our twin parent community:
What caught you most off guard during your first 4 months with twins?
And here’s what twin parents had to say:
The reality of having TWO babies needing you at once…
“The only thing I remember was the in-sync crying.” – Kendra
“The whole there’s TWO of them thing really threw me.” – Elle
“Crying at the same time. It was wild.” – Bridget
“That I would have no hands. I had two singles prior and in my head I’d just wear my babies and wander around and nurse them and everything would be alright. But it wasn’t. My twins didn’t like being worn but wanted to be held, had trouble feeding and I had a hard time having no hands. I was literally a couch ornament. I don’t think I moved much the first four months. It’s also not double the work, it was like never ending. Two was just so hard, and is still hard.” – Bre Anne
“They are so hard to hold at the same time.” – Hayli
“Over three years in, and the fact that there are two of them is still wild to me. Two threenagers wreaking absolute havoc at every turn. But I love those little turkeys.” – Ivy
“When one wakes up at night and makes any noise to eat the other automatically hears that and wakes up to be fed no matter how fast you are at getting the first one.” – Lora
The lack of sleep…
“I tried to remember but uh the sleepies overrode my memory for 4 months. Well actually 16 but…lol” – Hannah
“They tell you they wake to eat every 3 hours, but twins aren’t necessarily at the same times. Please be ready to wake up every hour and a half to feed, change, and burp the babies; just to do it again in and hour.” – Kaylee
“Strangers in public telling me I looked tired lol. I don’t remember much during that time, but I do remember that.” – Erika
“Sleep deprivation.” – Alicia
“I didn’t realize I would never sleep again.” – Erica
“That time frame is a bit hazy. I was surprised you can get so tired you feel like you might die. Also surprised that I miss that wild time. Twins are 6.” – Amanda
“The sleep. I thought babies eating every 3 hours would mean I would get at least 2 hours of sleep. But it takes newborns 45 mins to eat. Then you burp / change, play, put to sleep. Clean bottles and pump parts, do laundry, I don’t know life things. Then you get maybe 45 mins of sleep. It’s wild. No one really ever fully explained that.” – Twin Mama Marketplace
The feeding…
“Triple feeding.” – Danielle
“Breastfeeding two for sure!” – Sara
The attention from strangers…
“First year is a blur never mind the first 4 months lol. But probably the amount of attention you get when you nip out anywhere! Couldn’t even nip to the shops without multiple people stopping.” – Laura
I can’t even remember…we were in sheer survival mode
“I can’t remember the first 4 months lol! Survival mode.” – Meg
“Not remembering anything, then one day waking up and thinking…omg they’re almost 10.” – Christine
“I think the question should be asked. Can anybody with twins even remember the first four months? I’d come home from work watch the kids for a couple hours so she could get some sleep. She’d wake up for a couple hours so I could get some sleep. Repeat repeat repeat.” – Nathan
“The first 4 months are completely survival mode. No one is on a schedule, it’s mayhem. I will say 6 months was a huge turning point for us, they finally synced up their sleep schedules and were able to be put down to play for some time. It has become much easier since then! My twins turn 1 next month and the 2nd 6 months has been a breeze compared to the first 6!” – Adrienne
The preemie hurdles…
“Yeah the first 4 months are a blur. I only really remember 6 months on. But yes both having colic and reflux at 2 months when they were 6 weeks premature to begin with caught me totally by surprise. I was OVERWHELMED.” – Lauren
“Having two preemie babies—-the newborn stage is extended and overwhelmed is your new norm.” – Melissa
“Mine were born at 35 weeks 6 days, so early but didn’t need NICU or anything. I didn’t realize how long it would take them to “catch up” to some things though. Like they say you can start tummy time right away with a newborn but they were so little and barely ever awake. I feel like it took them 3-4 months to just to wake up haha
We did tummy time on our chest a lot. But we didn’t use any of their toys or anything for a while!” – Lauren
The NICU experience…
“That the first 3 months were spent in the NICU.” – Joy
“I knew we would have a NICU stay due to one of our twins having a congenital lung condition that required surgery right after birth. Our twins were born at 34 weeks and 5 days, and we spent 3 months in the NICU total (2.5 for Twin B and 3 months for Twin A) when it was all said and done. I was not at all prepared for spending that many days in a row in a high-stress hospital setting with the constant sound of beeps all day long. It’s not how I imagined spending the sweet newborn days. At the same time, going through that experience completely changed me in a lot of ways for the better, and I will always be amazed at the resilience of NICU babies and NICU families.” – Paige
How empowered I felt when I got the hang of it…
“What a BOSS I was caring for 2 infants and a toddler alone most of the day!” – Olivia
“I was actually shocked at how well I coped.” – Lissa
“How strong I can be! Thinking back like holy moly I was super mom.” – Amanda
Finding a schedule that fit all of our needs…
“I had a night owl baby and a lark. One wanted to stay up all night and the other was up at dawn and a daytime baby. Synchronizing their schedule in 15 minute adjustments so their schedules would match better and I could get at least two hours of sleep a day was hard work.” – Laurence
Have you taken your expecting twins class yet? We offer a great class on demand so you can take it on your own schedule! There are so many video modules covering everything from your twins’ baby registry to your first week at home with twins! Sign up today to get started before your twins arrive.
The twin bond…
“Taking one day at a time… my male twin constantly needing his girl twin sister.” – Julie
The extra mental health struggles…
“That the risk of PPD is way higher (some studies show the risk is 1.5x as high) for parents of multiples than of singletons. That all the ‘tools’ I had to calm a newborn from my older singleton wouldn’t work for my twins because I only had 2 hands and not 4. That your friends and family won’t get it, they’ll constantly say how lucky/blessed you are and you’ll feel invisible. That the bonding process is different and many twin parents don’t feel as strong of an attachment in the beginning because you’re living in survival mode instead of ‘soaking it in’. That even though I gave breastfeeding my 100% for the first 8 weeks, they never learned how to latch and you have to grieve what you thought feeding would be like.” – Kirsten
“The love I felt immediately. But the postpartum was intense. I never felt like I was doing enough. And just exhaustion. Therapy helped me. Also Take a lot of pictures. You forget so much cause like many others says you’re in survival mode.” – Julie
“Grieving the single baby experience. I honestly didn’t think it would hit me so hard, and then the immense guilt I had for even feeling those feelings.” – Clare
“Mostly a blur, but when people ask how it was, I tell them I cried, a lot, the hormones were no joke!” – Geri
“PPD and PPA while trying to manage two newborns. Family wanting to help but just adding so much more to your plate with the peppering of questions. I still hear “How are you doing this, everyday?” from family but it’s just one day at a time and we’re learning on the go. I truly wish I could go back and hold both in my arms at one time and rock them to sleep again.” – Jessica
What my body was capable of…
“How much milk my body was producing. Santa brought me a freezer for Christmas.” – Heidi
We needed more help…
“Two parents for one baby…think you need three parents for two if you want more rest or time. Should have called grandma I think …when my brain cells worked again.” – Sandy
Miscellaneous
“Alll the diapers and the absolute marathon of everything.” – Brittany
“I am 4m postpartum. What caught me off guard is how hard everything is going to be – breastfeeding, constant guilt of choosing one child over the other during tandem cries, the strain on relationship, my own mental and physical health. People around me couldn’t help, because their well intentioned advice comes from singleton parenthood. E.g. ‘Sleep when the baby sleep’ – which baby are we talking about? I have not slept for more than a couple of hours in a day.” – Pooja
“The change in my relationship with my pet. I had to admit to myself that I was at my limit and was struggling to meet my own basic needs, and sent him to a family members house so he could get proper attention, while I was in survival mode with the twins.” – Ashley
Looking for next-level resources + support for those first few months with twins?
We have several ways you can get even more help tackling all things twin sleep:
- Enroll in Twin Sleep School, a comprehensive on-demand course created by Twiniversity founder and IBCLC Natalie Diaz and Kim West, aka “The Sleep Lady.”
- Take our comprehensive On-demand Expecting Twins Course which has over 100 video modules taking you through the most vital information to prepare for twins.
- Take our On-Demand Breastfeeding Twins Class or schedule a twins lactation consultation!
Want to learn more about making it through those early days with twins? Check out these articles too:
- A Day in the Life With 4 Month Old Twins
- What to Expect When NICU Babies Come Home
- Rules for Surviving the First Week With Twins
- Baby Basics: Coming Home With Twins
