How I Fell Back In Love With My Husband

Last updated on November 28th, 2023 at 08:04 pm

Kids change you. Sometimes for the better. Sometimes for the worst. Sometimes both.

I really didn’t want kids. But my hubby wanted kids someday. I figured “someday” I would be ready. He wanted two kids, no more and no less. Well a surprise pregnancy made “someday” came quicker than I anticipated. And hubby got his wish of two kids… it was twins!

Six months later our world got turned upside down when our twin boys were born premature; just shy of our 4th year wedding anniversary. While they spent 100 days in the NICU I lived away from home to be near them. We were in survival mode for those days and beyond while we cared for fragile babies. All our focus was on them.

The situation, along with other disasters that took place (when it rains in pours) took its toll on us. We both changed into very different people very quickly. I didn’t know who I was anymore; I didn’t know who he was anymore. I was upset at all the changes I couldn’t control. We had a recipe for disaster. In the midst of it all… I began to fall out of love with my husband.

I was resentful at him for changing and mad at him for not fixing it; there wasn’t a problem from his perspective. It made me angrier that my feelings were not validated. I wanted us to make a plan, agree to changes; but that isn’t how it works, I know that now. I just didn’t know how to fix it. On top of it I felt guilty for the way I was feeling. It seemed so hopeless at the time.

Change Is on the Horizon

Just after the boys second birthday my husband and I went on a vacation for 4 days, just the two of us. I really didn’t want to at first; a family vacation is what I had been wanting. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to be without the kids for an extended time; I also wasn’t sure if I wanted to be alone with him for that amount of time. What would we talk about? How would we be without the kids as a buffer? But the in-laws offered to watch the kids and you just can’t pass that up! Besides, taking the kids would have just been plain exhausting and it wouldn’t have been much of a vacation. So, the two of us drove to the beach, and the healing began.

I hadn’t gotten a chance to relax in two years. We hadn’t gotten to be a couple in two years. We held hands, we kissed, we embraced… we did a lot of things. A vacation from our life as parents was much needed. I could feel the stress lift and I started to see things clearer. I got to appreciate what I had in front of me and I got to feel appreciated myself.

Over the next few months the healing continued as I embraced the new him, the new me, the new “us.” I was only miserable by insisting he change. I was only miserable to not accept my circumstances and being okay with them. I realized what needed to change was my attitude. Once I realized that… I was able to heal; “we” were able to heal.

When we got back home we made sure to go on monthly date nights to nurture our relationship further. These special nights together have evolved into appreciating “us” every day. I now look forward to alone time with my husband.

Another thing that helped me heal further was getting a project. I started writing right here for Twiniversity. It gave me an outlet to express myself and have something that was “mine” to help me heal as an individual and gain confidence. It surprisingly added an element to my marriage which I didn’t expect. My husband became interested in something I was doing and I had something to add to our conversations instead of just talking about what the boys did that day.

I wanted to share this very personal story to let others know that if you are at the end of your rope, there is hope. Love can be found again. You found it once, and you can find it again. Then when the next big storm hits, you know you can weather it together.

Jill Marcum – Twiniversity Community Manager

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