The True “Costs” of Raising Twins

Outside of the financial “cost” of raising twins, this article shares honest insights on the additional “costs” that twin parents face throughout their twin parenting journey.

When I first became pregnant with twins, I was excited and overwhelmed all at once. After the initial surprise set in, I felt beyond lucky and blessed to be carrying two babies. 

I felt special. I knew the road ahead would be extra challenging—especially as a first time mom—and yet I felt up for the challenge.

Now, a little over four years into this whole twin parenting thing, as I reflect on the whirlwind that these past four years have been, I feel like I can make some honest and raw claims about the true cost of twin parenthood including and beyond the dollar signs (or whatever your currency is). 

This article is not intended to be a running list of complaints about twin parenting and being a twin mom. Quite the opposite. I actually love being a mom of twins, and I’m so grateful for the ways in which the experience of twin parenting has shaped me and how I now live my life.

But I want to call out the ways in which twin parenting genuinely challenges us mere mortals in ways that we perhaps were not prepared for—so that any other twin parents or expecting twin parents reading this feel a little less alone! 

Because with our world in the state that it’s in, it’s clear that across the globe we have work to do with supporting mothers and families in the ways they deserve to be supported. 

In a time when so many systemic structures aren’t meeting the bar with supporting families with babies and young children, having twins makes the experience of those challenges doubly magnified. 

Cost 1: The Energy Tax

The sheer will power that it takes to physically care for two babies of the same age at once is beyond taxing. (Not to mention the additional energy expenditure of nursing or pumping on top of that, which exhausts 25% of your body’s energy). 

In those early days and months, it feels like all of your energy is funneled into survival mode tasks. 

My biceps felt like they were always sore from carrying two babies around all the time. The behind-the-scenes cognitive load of always keeping tabs on two newborns would zap my energy.

I genuinely remember feeling like a zombie waking up on the couch in those early months. I had so much love in my heart for my babies, but I had next to no energy. And when I went back to work 6 months in, every day felt like a marathon that I had to somehow figure out how to power through. My eye would be twitching from being sleep-deprived (running on maybe 3-4 hours of decent sleep each night).

Cost 2: The Marriage/Relationship Tax

When there’s one newborn in the home, having a 2 to 1 parent to newborn ratio can already feel like a huge undertaking. So when you lower that ratio down to 2 to 2 or even 1 to 2, sh*t gets real, and fast. 

My husband and I were married for almost 3 years prior to having our twins, and we had been together for over a decade even before that. Needless to say, going into the whole twin parenting thing, we had a really strong relationship and marriage. And thankfully, four years into being twin parents, we are stronger than ever. 

But those first few years of twin parenting were riddled with lots of marital challenges and miscommunication. When you’re constantly running on next to no sleep, it’s easy to want to blame the only other adult in the household. 

The pie chart of household duties and caregiving duties just simply doesn’t pie chart with two adults in those early days—unless you have the luxury of having tons of extra help from friends and family!

And with the extra struggles of finding a babysitter who can handle your twins (amidst an exhausting work week no less), making intentional time for date nights and quality time can really take a lot of effort. 

I feel lucky and thankful that we were able to work through those challenging years, but I do wonder if it would have been a little less challenging had we only had a singleton and not twins. We’ll never know of course, but if you’re feeling like you’re in the thick of it right now, I hope you know that you’re not alone. 

Cost 3: The Mental Health Hurdles

This likely does not come as a surprise, but parents of twins are much more likely to struggle with mental health disorders. 

A 2022 survey found that 69% of mothers of multiples experienced feelings of stress, anxiety, or depression. And a 2009 study found that mothers of multiples were 43% more likely to experience PPD. 

While I did not struggle with postpartum depression or psychosis, I had intense postpartum anxiety as well as some PTSD from a tumultuous NICU experience complete with two neonatal surgeries and tons of bradycardia events.  

After being in therapy for over a year and a half now, I can trace my anxiety back to childhood. But my anxiety during pregnancy and the first two years after having twins was seriously through the roof. In the obsessive way I would track the exact amount of milliliters of breast milk that I would pump (and feeling bad about myself for not producing enough). 

Managing feeding tubes at home and worrying about the babies being at a good enough weight at every doctor’s appointment. Doing mental gymnastics of preparation before leaving the house with two babies. The intense anxiety definitely took a toll on my first-time mama soul. 

I cannot recommend therapy enough. I wish that every twin parent out there had access to high quality mental health support. 

Cost 4: The Nervous System Overload

Holy moly! I have to giggle out loud a little to myself as I write this because truthfully, before becoming a mom, I knew very little about self-regulation or the ways in which a person’s nervous system could become overwhelmed. Then enter: twin parenthood. 

Babies come with so many noises, so many smells, and so much touching–and yes, at times it can be really beautiful. But a lot of the time, it can also be way too much sensory input. Especially when there are two babies. Someone is constantly touching you and needing you, and it’s a lot to deal with. 

The extra worrying and twin mom guilt of feeling like you’re constantly neglecting one of the babies can really send your nervous system into a spiral too.

Thankfully, working with an occupational therapist for Twin B helped me learn more about self-regulation and co-regulation.

Since then, I’ve experimented with all sorts of nervous system regulation practices (EFT/tapping, deep breathing, and shamanic shaking to name a few of my favorites) to help regulate myself. I pretty much had to teach my body how to handle the onslaught of sensory input that comes with twin parenthood. 

I’m still very much a work-in-progress in this department (like all the others, ha!), but I hope that any other twin parent reading this who feels extra sensitive to the bombardment of sensory input feels a little less alone. You’re not losing your marbles. Your body is just adjusting to all that’s going on in your sensory world. 

Cost 5: The Identity Cost

With so much of your brain, body, and spirit going into not one but two tiny little humans at once, it can feel like you never have a moment to yourself. Like you can’t come up for air. Like you can’t make the time to do things for yourself. 

Again, I’m sure this is one of those things that any parent, especially first time parents, can experience. But with twins, it felt totally magnified. Especially in the early days when it can feel like a challenge to have anyone outside of your family unit care for the twins. 

The first time I took a weekend away to myself was when my twins were about 7 months and I planned a 30th birthday party for one of my dear college friends. Both twins were still on feeding tubes at the time and still not sleeping great through the night, but I knew I needed to get out of the house and be with people who knew me outside of being a mom. That trip was so helpful for my soul, but the identity struggles were still there. I felt like twin parenting had made me feel isolated in a way I had never really experienced. 

For my entire life, I had been an extrovert. Yet, when it came time for me to put myself out there and make mom friends, I felt like a fish walking on land. I felt like I couldn’t relate to other moms in quite the same way (or rather, I felt like they couldn’t fully relate to me). 

Being a twin mom also basically strong-holded me into making a career switch.

I had been a high school English teacher for 8 years when my twinnies arrived, and after one final year in the classroom after they were born, I knew I had to find something more flexible. 

Paying for two babies in full time daycare was not an option for us. And while I love the freedom of what I do now as a freelance copywriter and business and alignment coach for moms, I did not feel equipped in the beginning to make that identity switch as far as my career went on top of the identity overhaul of becoming a mom. 

I had to totally recalibrate my identity on all fronts, and it was exhausting. Again, I’m grateful for it now, but that doesn’t mean it was any less difficult in the trenches of it all. 

Cost 6: The Body Tax

No matter how healthy or fit you are, carrying two babies can truly put a strain on your body. I was an athlete my entire life, including swimming at a D1 university all through college, and being pregnant with and delivering twins via c-section did a number on my body. 

Pregnancy and childbirth can no doubt put a strain on anyone’s body. I am in no way saying that singleton pregnancies aren’t difficult in their own right. And as someone who’s never had and probably will never have a singleton, I can’t speak to any sort of comparisons of twins vs. singletons. But what I will say is that I truly felt blind-sided by this cost. 

The bulging varicose veins, the preeclampsia, the gestational diabetes, the stretch marks. I have learned to love my body like I never have before (because honestly, I didn’t have enough energy left to be hard on myself for that aspect of motherhood). But my body is forever changed. 

I remember trying to go on a walk around the block in the early postpartum days and truly feeling like my body may never be able to run again. I was never officially diagnosed with diastasis recti, but the separation of my abdominal muscles was no joke. And even 6 weeks postpartum, random strangers in the children’s hospital cafeteria would ask me when I was due. 

I knew pregnancy and postpartum recovery would be hard. But I didn’t know it would be that hard. 

Cost 7: The Financial Costs

And of course, last, but obviously not least, there’s the real life financial struggles of having twins. Depending on where you live in the world, what your insurance coverage looks like, or how your delivery goes down, the twin delivery itself can be immensely costly. 

I count myself one of the lucky ones as our 3-month NICU stay and neonatal diagnoses qualified us to receive medical assistance in our state. Otherwise, I am not sure how much we would have been liable to pay from our over $1.7 million medical bills in those initial months. 

My heart truly goes out to any twin families who are left to struggle with the burden of unexpected (and expected) delivery costs. I believe every family deserves to have their babies come into this world without the fear of worrying about how they will be able to afford the delivery bills. 

Beyond delivery day though, the financial challenges of having two at once continue. There are a whole child’s worth of extra diapers (and formula for some) to cover. Child care expenses for two at once. And I imagine as my kiddos get older, the struggle of constantly paying for two at once forevermore: extracurricular activities, proms, college or post-high school endeavors, etc. 

And these challenges and “costs” become quite intertwined and tangled! Because the extra financial burden of course can exacerbate any already present strain on your relationship with your spouse/partner. It can also increase how much energy you have to output each day if you have to take on an extra job or more hours at work. It’s certainly a vicious cycle. 

Final thoughts on the “costs” of raising twins

Raising twins is a special experience There’s no denying that. At the same time, there are very real challenges that can come along with the territory of twin parenthood. I look forward to the day when parents around the globe—including those raising twins and multiples—have the support and resources to make their parenting experience feel more doable and less lonely.

Want to see more resources about raising twins? Check out these articles too!

• The Biggest Lies About Having Twins
• Tips for Raising Twins with Zero Help
• Having Mixed Feelings About Raising Twins? Find Your Mantra

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