To Stay Home or Work? The Twin Parent Dilemma
A mom asks, “Did any twin moms stop working because of the weight of the cost of childcare for twins? My husband and I make a decent living, but with the twins, 30% of our combined income goes to childcare alone. That doesn't include the cost of groceries, diapers, formula, car payments, or any bills. Have any other parents quit working to help balance that out, and do you regret it? I'm really struggling with the thought of giving up my career right now, even though it's not exactly what I want to be doing. It could end up being a really lucrative career, but is that worth missing my twins' babyhood and basically working to pay for a nanny? I'm feeling lost…”
Here's what our Twiniversity community had to say!
– Daycare for my twins will cost 2/3 of my whole paycheck. But for us, my job is our access to health insurance, so quitting is not an option. Honestly, for me, I just couldn't stay home. Lord knows I adore my children, but for me, I need the time away too. I'd say let your heart be your guide, and do what is right for you, using logic and emotion! You'll make the right decision, mama.
– Depending on the job and the finances, I'd say go with what you really want to be doing. Some moms like work and feel like it gives them a break from twin craziness, others want to be at home with their kids so as not to miss too much. There's no right answer. I couldn't decide either so I worked part-time and it's been a good balance. stay home or work
– I do not work…..but honestly…no matter how much I love my twins…staying home is really hard for me. Really hard. Sometimes I feel like I'd be a better mother if I worked….the twins are exhausting emotionally…I feel like I'm losing touch with myself…I don't have adult conversations anymore….and having at least a part-time job would give me a break.
– I'm not gonna lie. It was hard. I lost myself a bit. I loved my job, my career. I still miss it and my girls are 2. I hope to one day go back when they are all in school. I feel guilty daily about wishing I still worked. I love my children and I know there are moms who would die to be home with their kids. We are all different. But this is the motto I live by today: “There is a season for everything.” This is the season that I am supposed to be home with my girls. And I am ok with that. Soon there will be another season and I may wish for this one again. stay home or work
– This is why nursing is so cool! I was full-time on nights — definitely not going to be able to do that once these girls are born! So I am going back per diem to keep my skills up. Plus I love my job! My facility requires per diem nurses to work a minimum of 4 shifts/month, but I can work more if I sign up for them. Such an awesome option (thankfully insurance is covered through my hubby's work).
– I stayed home after my twins were born. Not only was daycare going to be expensive but in this area it is impossible to find quality care for two infants. It has worked out for the better. My twins are three now and require speech and physical therapy. Even if I had a job, it would be limited hours so I could be available for various appointments. I would love to be working. At the end of the day, you do what you know is best for your family and push whatever guilt to the back of your mind. stay home or work
– I quit working after our singleton was born because we couldn't afford to put just one in childcare. I have watched one child or two at a time in my house to make a little bit of side money. I actually had just started working again when I found out that we were pregnant with our twins. The decision was easy. I won't be going back to work until they start kindergarten. Four more years to go! Haha
– I quit when our twins were born, and I made significantly more than my husband. I also have an advanced degree, but that doesn't matter to me in the grand scheme of things. The best thing I ever did was decide to be home with them (and my oldest). This time with them is temporary but completely worth it. I would get rid of every single splurge to remain home if things got tight (more so than they already are). stay home or work
– My wife made more money than I did when she got pregnant, and she also has great health insurance, so me quitting to stay home with my twin boys was hardly a thought. I miss working at times, but being able to be a stay at home father is the most wonderful job in the world! I feel sorry for fathers who aren't able to spend the time with their children that I do.
– My husband wasn't working when we got pregnant. It made more sense for him to stay home with them than to work to pay for daycare. He really liked it and so did I because I knew they were cared for and treated well. Then when they went to school he got a job. stay home or work
– I quit my job and was able to find a work-from-home job so I could still help provide for our family but be with our girls.
– I was completely torn as well. My twins are 12 weeks now. I worked out a part-time arrangement and it's great. Maybe check into a part-time arrangement.
– Personally, there is no amount of money worth missing my children's childhood. Every family is different though. My husband and I own a business and I was the full-time business manager. However, we take very little income from the business and would've spent the majority of it (over 75%) on childcare. For us, it absolutely made sense for him to just handle all of the business (and work 12+ hour days) and have me stay home with the kids. stay home or work
– Do you have any vacation time available? My suggestion would be to spend a couple weeks being a SAHM and see how you like it before you decide to quit your job. Being a SAHM is the hardest thing I've ever done and it never ends – it's 24 hours a day. Some days are fantastic and some days I wish I was back at my old job. Good luck!
– I put my last 8 classes of college on hold so I could stay home with my twin daughters but I'm licensed as a childcare provider so I care for a few other children as my “job” until they start school.
– We have a singleton and twins and daycare would've taken up my whole check. I resigned from my job at a bank, which I loved, on my 14th anniversary. My plan was to go back after a couple years, but I love being home so much that I haven't. I'm treasurer of the PTA, takes care of my need for banking, and I'm able to help my daughters class. My boys start preschool in the fall and I'm looking forward to being able to help even more at the school. The freedom is priceless. If someone's sick, I don't have to worry about calling in to my job. If my husband has to travel I don't worry about who will help me get kids back and forth to daycare or school. I missed the adult interaction at first but now that I'm more involved in the school, I've made friends there. And the best part is that my friends now have kids my age and we all help each other so we can go to doctors appointments or job interviews or field trips or whatever. My mommy friends are golden. I wouldn't trade this time at home for anything. It goes by way too fast, and I'm here for all of it. stay home or work
– My plan was to stop working since what I would make would probably go to childcare and I didn't want to just trust anyone with my babies. After 6 months I felt stuck in a cave so I made a decision to go back to work part-time. Thank goodness my job is very flexible so I only work on my husband's three days off. It definitely brought my sanity back as well as a little bit of extra money.
– I thought about it but then found a cheaper daycare that I loved. Glad I didn't quit as it is hard to start over.
– I had a hard time at first but recently started working from home so I can have the best of both worlds. I needed to work mostly to keep my sanity and grow personally, but the extra income is certainly a bonus!
– We moved to a smaller house to pay for childcare. Do what's best for you long-term. stay home or work
– I became a SAHM after the twins were born because of the cost of childcare and not wanting to miss anything, but that only lasted 8 months because I LOVE being out around people (adults). So, my husband and I made a budget of what my salary needed to be at to have child care and the current expenses we had then. I was able to work at a school to be there when my older kids got home from school and have the summer and winter breaks with them as well. I hope you can find something that works for you and your family.
– I have 11-month-old twins. We live in a tiny town with limited childcare options. After doing a detailed cost analysis, my husband & I decided that the cost of childcare and other expenses associated with me working wasn't worth the extra income I would be bringing home. I'm so glad we went with this decision! It was difficult the first two months at home (I didn't realize how much socializing I did at work), but now I love it! We also ended up saving tons of money by me staying at home; I manage our finances more effectively than ever before, I have time to cook 99% of our meals so that we hardly eat out anymore, I have time to coupon/bargain hunt, I'm not wasting money on gas each week, and I overall made a commitment not to buy things we don't need. We live simply, gave up our addiction to material possessions, so now we are debt-free while still managing to put a big chunk of my husband's income into savings. I do plan on returning to work once the kids start going to preschool in a couple of years. stay home or work
– Childcare costs, which are very high in the early years, are temporary. By five, with Kindergarten, they are slashed dramatically. Just something to think about if you want to stay in the workplace. Five years goes by fast!