A MoM recently asked:
How do other people deal with their twins crying at the same time? I keep my 12 month old twins on the same schedule but that means they get tired, hungry, or need a diaper at the same time. (I try to stay ahead of schedule as much as I can but I can’t always). I usually attend to whoever is most upset first. Often my attempts to soothe and talk to the unattended baby just makes them more upset. As a sensitive mom, it hurts my heart to hear them cry while waiting! What am I doing wrong?
Here’s what our Twinviersity fans had to say:
– You are doing nothing wrong, I think as a mom of multiple we will always feel that guilt of both of them crying at the same time.
– Go to the one who’s less upset first. I remember reading a tip once that said “start with the low-hanging fruit.” That way you can settle the less upset one more quickly & then get to the other. Also, I found singing helped when I couldn’t physically soothe both. They both can hear you sing, & it might help you release some stress. Hang in there! You’re doing great!
– You’re doing nothing wrong!! I call it the song of my people. I think we just get more crying because they are on the same schedule, yet someone always is first and someone is always last. My suggestion would to try to become more comfortable with the crying, only to decrease the stress it causes you. It’s just them expressing themselves. If you know they aren’t hurt and are safe, it’s just their way of communicating. I think it gets better as comprehension and language grow. Hang in there!!
– Best advice I got while pregnant from another twin mom, you have to learn to let them cry. You can’t be 2 places at once and you aren’t 2 people. It’s so hard though. Some nights I just cry with them.
– Mine are 9 months and I come across this issue too. I feed them at the same time in chairs to help avoid that, I always change them off a schedule so they don’t always depend on it at a certain time to make it easier and as for bedtime they both go into their crib at the same time awake to go to sleep. One of the many struggles with twins and not having enough hands.
– I change/help one first and reassure/talk to the other that mommy is coming soon. just a minute. Crying is not hurting them. As long as they are in a safe place (crib/bouncy chair etc.) they will learn that you will get to them when it’s their turn. My boys are two now and they both patiently wait and watch me put food on each others high chair trays, for example. I always make sure to mix up who goes first. But whenever possible I try to keep everything the same. Like when I give them both sippy cups of milk, I fill them and cover them first so I can hand them off simultaneously. That way no one goes first.
– You’re not doing anything wrong! Please don’t blame yourself. I used to call it lung exercises. It’s the way they communicate right now. Trust me, these cries will be replaced with words and you won’t have to guess as much.
– Sometimes the only thing you can do is put them together so they can soothe the other. Definitely embrace the twin bond; it’s very strong. I would try to hold them or turn on some music. On nice days I would go outside for fresh air. My two are 12 years old now. I promise, you will get through this and be ready for the next stage. Relax and enjoy them.
– I always tended to the more upset one first, but couldn’t handle the crying of both. I learned to feed/burp/carry them both at the same time. You can never hold, snuggle, or comfort your babies too much.
– You are not doing anything wrong. With 2 babies you are going to have both crying at some point. While it hurts your heart, it is not hurting them. You are doing the best you can but you only have 2 hands so you need to give yourself a break!
– That was so hard for me too. At times I just cried with them. I remember our pediatrician saying that crying doesn’t hurt them, they are just expending energy.
– Nothing at all! Mine always cried while the other one was being fed, changed, etc. Now they have learned that you take turns in life and sometimes have to wait.
– Keep doing what you’re doing. Mom guilt doesn’t seem to go away. My girls are 17 months and it still occurs several times a day! I just cuddle with them as much as possible when changing their diapers. I have activities set up at their high chairs while they wait for food. Doesn’t always work and of course they tantrum and cry at the same time, but we can only do our best!! I find that if I take a mental timeout (count to 20) usually works and calms me down when they’re both screaming.
– My twins are 11.5 months old and I UNDERSTAND! Trust me, you aren’t doing anything wrong. There are TWO of them and ONE of you! I get the same guilt, but in my heart I know my babies are safe and loved, and that neither truly cries for long. I have to keep reminding myself I am SO blessed to be the one at home with them, that they could be in someone else’s care while I go off to work. Hearing the sweet babies cry is never easy, but just keep talking to them and loving on them. They know their Mama loves them!! Keep up the awesome work!
– You aren’t doing anything wrong! Twins have to learn to share and wait no matter what the activity. There’s only one you and it’s a fact of life for them now and always. It’s a learning curve for everyone. Mine are almost 3 and are pretty good about this nowadays.
– You will get used to letting them learn that mommy has only two hands. Show them you are calm and that everything is under control. You will be able to distract them with toys in a few months. Hold tight, you are doing great mommy.
– You aren’t doing anything wrong. Remember that crying is how your twins communicate with you. It will be okay. It’s bound to happen when you have two or more. It’s okay to focus on one at a time. Don’t worry about things you can’t control. Just breathe and keep going. It will get better, probably pretty soon too.
– You’re doing everything you can. They’ll have to learn to self soothe/self entertain and eventually they’ll get the idea that you’re not abandoning them or ignoring them.
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Spending One-On-One Time With Twins
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