It’s a fact that most mothers of twins are subject to random strangers getting involved in their personal business and asking silly questions. It’s as if people see a double stroller as a sign to freely ask the most intimate of questions.
Strangers seem infinitely curious about twin moms’ fertility issues, weight gain, and other details of their lives that they themselves may not feel comfortable sharing if the tables were turned.
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Silly questions that strangers LOVE to ask about twins
One of the most commonly asked inappropriate and silly questions to moms of twins has to do with in-vitro fertilization (IVF).
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“I’m fortunate because this question and silly questions like this one do not bother me–I use it as a moment to try and educate people,” says Jane Grimes, mom to four-year-olds Charlotte and Henry. “All pregnancies are natural; mine was not spontaneous. I always look them right in the eye and say, ‘They were conceived via IVF.’ [If there is] an indication that this is somehow disappointing, or not as good as a spontaneous twin pregnancy, I just chalk that up to ignorance.”
Speaking of silly questions, it’s also not unusual for people to be interested in whether your twins are identical–even if they are a boy and a girl.
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Twin mom Heidi Green says of silly questions she hears frequently, “When people would stop me on the street and ask me about Harry and Rose, they would usually ask, ‘Are they identical?’ As infants, they looked so much alike. I would tell them that they are a boy and a girl and they would look at me puzzled and ask again, ‘Yes, I got that, but are they identical?’ It was at that point that I realized it was up to me to break it to them, that boy/girl twins can never be identical.”
Using experiences and silly questions such as these for good instead of evil (educating the masses instead of getting irritated by them) is usually your best line of defense.
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So, mamas: it’s up to you. Do you want to come up with a few sassy comebacks for the next time someone asks if your twins were conceived through IVF (my personal favorite is, “Why, are you having trouble conceiving?”) or do you want to enlighten them with the facts of the situation? Regardless of what you do, you can expect silly questions like this to keep on coming.
Heidi Elliott, mom to five-year-old twins Reed and Larkin says, “The question I always get is: “Do twins run in your family?” Her response? “No, but they run in my doctor’s office!”
By Natalie Diaz, Twiniversity Founder. This article originally appeared in New York Family Magazine.
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The rate of twin births has risen 79 percent over the last three decades, and continues to increase. A mom of fraternal twins and a national guru on having two, Natalie Diaz launched Twiniversity, a supportive website with advice from the twin-trenches.
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I havery identical twin girls, they r 5 now but when they were babies they had a pink pram and clothed in pink.and people would ask ” one of each or 2 boys” really! That really.used to bug me but I’d just simply reply no they r 2 girls ;0) xx
new sttudies have show b/g twins can be identical
Do twins run in my family? Why yes they do, usually in opposite directions!! Lol. (Mom of 5yr old identical boys)
Not to be that guy but why are all your references in most twiniversity’s articles about mom’s of twins getting asked questions etc? Do you not think all those twins dads don’t get asked the same stupid questions or did i accidentally join a group for single moms of twins (or you possibly feel that dads dont care or are involved in their kids life)? In a world where I have to say fire person instead of fireman I’d expect the same courtesy back on some level.
Shop worker: “Are they identical”
Shop Worker “Maybe they’ll change”
My favorite one ever…at twins club one of the moms was telling that her twins were adopted…another mom asked “did they have the same parents?” “Well they are still twins…so YES”… We all laughed VERY hard…definitely a mom who needs more sleep did the asking. 🙂
A comeback I’d like to try (but haven’t been brave enough to) is: “No, they’re triplets but we left the ugly one in the car”
We’re afraid there may be some idiots who’d believe us and call child services though…
More of statements: they can’t be twins because they aren’t dressed a like. Or how can they be twins if their teeth are coming in differently.
I have heard all of these questions and for the most part they do not bother me but here are the questions that do bug me to no end. 1. When I answer yes they are identical and the response is well how do you know or well they look a little different are you sure 2. Did you have them naturally? (whoa too personal) 3. One twin is more (fill in the blank) than the other. (In some cases this has hurt the feelings of one of my twins).
LOL, so my favorite question is were you trying for twins? I am sort of a smart ass so my answe was yes I made sure my husband took his vitamins everyday!
My favorite response to “Are they twins?!” is “No this one’s mine the other one is my sister wife’s” (no offense to anyone practicing polygamy). That just shuts people up pretty quick lol.
My favorite answer to “do twins run in your family?”: yes, very fast and in different directions 😉 I really don’t get annoyed at the questions. I see it as a badge of honor.
FYI…there is one exception to the boy/girl identical question. Turner Syndrome. It is very rare. I got that “wrong” on a quiz about twins :/
I have frat twin boys who just turned 6 yr old. I have been fielding the “are they twins” question (and the related questions that always follow) for quite some time now. I have never minded the questions and have always agreed with the people who say that it must be a lot of work etc. The most recent inquiry took a strange twist. When we were out shopping a sales person asked if the boys were twins. Before I could answer one of them replied “Yes we are, and we are double trouble”!